Becoming - The Blog

It's Personal: My Own Memorial Day

 

 

As Memorial Day approaches, I have been thinking a lot about people who have passed in my lifetime and deserve memorializing.  Here’s my list, with a short explanation of how each has taught and touched me. 

 

 

• Bubbie (derived from Yiddish for “grandmother”): Florence Shafner was my mother’s mother.  She ignited a passion for teaching in me.  My favorite memory: her telling me stories of her college days in the 1930s. 

 

 

• Zadie (derived from Yiddish for “grandfather”): Raphael Shafner was my mother’s father.  He taught me frugality and the value of service to others.  My favorite memories: the rows and rows of paper towels and apple juice in their basement (if it’s on sale, you buy a lot!) and the deep commitment he had to supporting his synagogue – from serving on the board to supervising maintenance of its cemetery.

 

 

• Grandma:  Beatrice Fishbone was my father’s mother (I did not know my father’s father – he died before I was born). She taught me how to show love explicitly – this was not common in the rest of my family.  My favorite memory: she often told me about how much she enjoyed working in a department store in NYC in the 1930s and always liked to make sure that I was enjoying my work.   

 

 

• Aunt Ruthie:  Ruth Joan Brody, whom I have blogged about before, was the woman who introduced my father and mother.  She taught me that gay people are to be accepted and loved as any other human beings and that serving others is a joy.  My favorite memories: her hearty laugh amidst Sunday breakfasts with her gay friends and watching her delight in running our temple’s bingo game (a big source of revenue!) and tutoring special needs children in weekly Hebrew school. 

 

 

• Aunt Bunny and Uncle Hy:  Bunny and Hy Rodensky were my Bubbie’s sister and brother-in-law.   They taught me about the light, humorous side of life.  My favorite memory: Thanksgiving dinner at their house with both of them cracking jokes left and right.

 

 

Bubbie, Zadie, Grandma, Aunt Ruthie, Aunt Bunny, and Uncle Hy – I miss you.   You live on in me.

 

Who’s on your list?  Make this Memorial Day your Memorial Day – I highly recommend that you write a list like the one I have shared.  You may be sad at first, but I am sure a smile will eventually grow on your face and you will feel a warmth that spans beyond this world.

Semiannual Inspiration: 2013 Lessons and a Request to Pay It Forward

 

 

The newest, and final, edition of the semiannual inspiration message is now available.  Since it is the last one, I have decided to publish it here in its entirety.  To give you context, two to three times per year, I would email these messages to approximately 300 friends, family members, and colleagues worldwide. 

 

 

The End of Semiannual Inspiration Messages: 2013 Lessons and a Request to Pay It Forward

 

Greetings to family, friends, and colleagues around the world!

With the advent of social media and after five years of messages, I am closing the semiannual inspiration series.  I have thoroughly enjoyed sharing in this forum with you. 

 

But never fear if you want more!  I regularly blog, tweet, and update LinkedIn with inspiration, and I regularly refer my network to inspiration posted by others in the social media space.  So, please feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn, follow me on Twitter, or visit my blog, links to all of which can be found in my signature at the end of this note. 

 

I would like to now close this series with your 2013 lessons and a request to pay it forward. Thank you to the handful of you who shared what is in your hearts and on your minds.  Without further ado, here are the lessons, in alphabetical order by first name of the author!

 

2013 READER LESSONS

 

• Finish what you start!  It doesn't matter the obstacles in your way or how long it takes you... finish it!  I recently completed a sprint-distance triathlon.  I am not incredibly athletic.  I need to lose a few pounds.  I hadn't been on a bicycle since about 1993.  But last year I completed 2 Spartan Sprint obstacle course races, and I've always thought about how great a triathlon would be.  Some of my cousins were discussing it and we decided to make it a family competition.  My training began, and slowly over the months my cousins dropped out.... but I was determined to finish it.  I bought a bike, which I fell off of a number of times (once was a dramatic tour de France-style crash).  I rented a wetsuit, which didn't really fit well.  I had my GU packets ready at the transition.  Race day came and I felt confident that I was going to finish last, or close to last, coming in somewhere under 2 hours.  The swim wasn't horrible, except that the ill-fitting wetsuit filled with water and I had to switch to breast stroke for about 1/2 of the distance.  My transition was slow as I peeled the wetsuit off.  I got on the bike and I was barely clipped into the pedals when I was confused by the course, hit some sand and went down.  I was shaken up and bleeding and I dropped the chain on my bike, but I got up and quickly got back on.  After riding for about 4 miles at what felt like a slow pace, I heard a noise.  I had a flat front tire and no spare tubes (not that I would have known how to change the tire anyway).  I got off the bike and with my hand pump, I inflated the tire.  I got off the bike a total of 5 times to add air, watching everyone pass me.  I wanted to cry and quit, but I was committed to finish.  13 miles felt like 26.  As I finished the bike ride my friends and family took pictures of me, and I was smiling.  The bike ride took double the time I thought it would and as I transitioned to the run I could hear them announcing the winners, and there I was, with 3.2 miles to run.  I was cramping everywhere, but I put on my sneakers and headed out.  I probably ended up walking about 2 of the 3 miles, but the volunteers kept cheering me on.  One woman told me I was her hero and that if she had a flat tire she would have dropped out of the race.  I was determined to finish.  Crossing that finish line felt so good!  I was smiling in all of the pictures.  I almost couldn't believe I finished it.  Initially, I figured I'd probably finish in like 1:50... but at least under 2 hours.... my final time was 2:44.38... dead last!  But there were 7 people who didn't finish the race for one reason or another and I kept thinking of all of the people who were still sleeping when I finished.  I told the race organizer that I'd be back again next year, hopefully with a more respectable time!  Bottom line.... finish whatever it is that you start.  That feeling of accomplishment will be well worth the struggle to get there!  Christina in Boston, MA USA

 

• Faith, positive attitude, and positive action will take you where you want to go.  I’m not referring to religious faith per se; rather faith in self and faith in the universe – that things will work out.  My business is cyclical and can be feast or famine.  In the middle of the summer I was at the end of a long and very scary drought.  A mentor happened into my life who gave me the space to share my concerns and frustrations.  After a while of talking he politely asked ‘are we done admiring the problem’.  And we started working on a very focused plan to change my actions and improve my results.  So far, the results have been tremendous.  Now I’m only 2 months into a 6 month targeted effort to reach the biggest short term goal of my life.  My pipeline is looking better than it has, and I have faith that business will get to where I need it to be for myself and for my family.  The work that my mentor helped me on, which has proven invaluable, has been on focusing on positive action to change.  This, tied with positive attitude and faith that I can achieve what I want, has made all the difference.  David in Allentown, PA USA

 

• Lose the "gee whiz" This year, I've grown exponentially, and I don't mean my shoe size or pant length.  I officially started an LLC, booked paid speaking gigs, published my writing via my profession's national association and got married to someone I love.  This year, I really started tapping the potential that's always been there within me and did it my way. A mentor I admire greatly gave me a piece of advice that's sticking with me today.  On a phone call in early 2013, just as we were ending the conversation, she asked me, "Kevin, can I give you one final piece of advice?"  I'll never turn down free advice from someone I admire.  "This is a little hard for me to say, but I think you gotta lose the 'gee whiz.'  It's great that you're humble, but when you sound surprised that people honor you or invite you to speak, that's not going to work."  It was honest, and she was right.  Ever since then, I've taken myself more seriously while remaining humble and grateful.  It's been sinking in all year long: I've got a lot to offer, and the fire ignited then has propelled me to do more and see more than I ever thought I could.  Kevin in Wayne, PA USA

 

 

CONCLUSION – A REQUEST TO PAY IT FORWARD

 

Thank you to all of our lesson authors.  We appreciate that you took the time to reflect deeply on your lessons this year and lovingly share them with us.

 

And now my request of you to pay it forward.  Just last week, someone in my network shared with me a blog post titled “60 Small Acts of Kindness that Will Make You an Everyday Hero” - http://www.bradaronson.com/acts-of-kindness/.  All I ask is that you do one or more of these acts for your family, friends, and/or colleagues. 

 

Who knows…maybe you’ll begin your own series of semiannual inspiration messages?

 

Jon and I wish you a peaceful and prosperous new year, wherever you may find yourself in the world and on your journey.  I hope you’ll stay connected and continue to invest in your own community every day.

 

Regards,

 

Brian Fishbone

Global Educator and Community Builder

Email: [email protected]

Web: www.linkedin.com/in/brianfishbone

Blog: http://brianfishbone.typepad.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/brianfishbone 

Photos: http://www.afar.com/travelers/brian-fishbone/highlights  

 

Have you invested in your community today?

 

PS - Previous semiannual inspirational messages dating back to June 2008 can be found at http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/semiannual-inspirational-messages.html.

 

 

 

To view past messages, visit the Semiannual Inspiration Messages page.  If you have comments or feedback about the message, share them here! 

 

Building a Better Community: Giving Thanks – Pass It On!

 

 

Thanksgiving is once again upon us in the US, and I feel like giving thanks.  And I’d like to involve you, too!  I am going to give thanks to some important people in this post, and all I ask is that you pay it forward by thanking at least one person in your life.  Do we have an agreement?

 

 

I would like to thank my LinkedIn and SuitLink connections, Twitter followers, Becoming blog followers, and AFAR picture followers for continuously encouraging and inspiring me to share my learning and experiences, forwarding along my inspirational quotes, posts, and messages, and in the process building a better, stronger community within my personal network and your own. 

 

 

Of course I am thankful for my partner Jon, my family, and my friends, but I also wanted to let you know just how important you are to me!

 

 

I wish you a Thanksgiving filled with peace, happiness, and most of all thanks.  Remember – you agreed to pay it forward!  Thank someone in your life as soon as possible!

Becoming Interview: Marjorie Winther – Warm and Adventurous Story Slammer

 

 

This week Marjorie Winther is in the hot seat!  I met Marjorie years ago through networking and a few friends in the training and development field, and she’s been providing me with best practices, and laughs, ever since!

 

 

Tell us about a cool project you are currently working on.

 

 

 It’s hard to pick just one. At work my favorite project is teaching a program I designed called “Boots to Suits” for people who get promoted from the street crews into management. I spend 5 days with the group, balanced between working on leadership skills and pulling in experts to teach segments on employment law and other practical matters.  We talk a lot about positivity and reframing.  We get very close over the course of the program. There is a lot of learning and also a lot of laughter and lot of sharing stories.

 

 

Outside of work, I have been competing in story slams through first person arts.  Each slam has a theme, and you write a 5 minute true story on the theme. Twice a year all the slam winners compete in a grand slam. I won the first one I did. The theme was Burned. I wrote about my first year teaching when I accidentally set a little boy on fire. But the story is about more than that; it’s really about what to do when you don’t know what to do, how to handle situations that you are not prepared for.  (If you want to see it, go to http://www.firstpersonarts.org/tag/summer-grand-slam/)

 

 

What I love about the stories, is I free write and then rewrite and rewrite and rewrite. By about the fourth draft I figure out what the story is about. I always try to find a theme that is larger than me.  I used to do stand up, so my stories always have jokes in them—I am addicted to that feeling of hearing an audience laugh hard. It washes over me like love and acceptance. But what I like about writing and telling stories more than stand up is that I feel I can go deeper. I’m not constrained to setup/punch. I can develop a story and let the funny part lead to something.

Through my first person networks I have been invited to do stories at various venues. I recently did a show called “Risk!” that was part of the Free Library Author’s Events.  There is a moment in the story where I realize my marriage is over and I am on my own—and my favorite line is: “I thought I would be alone forever, because I know I am not all that. But apparently, I am all this.”

The audience broke into wild applause. I felt great because I think I touched something we all feel. The need to dispute that “not good enough” message that we all have.

How would you describe yourself?  What words would you use?  What is your brand?

 

Oh boy. Can I steal your theme and describe myself as “becoming?”

 

 

No? Okay.  Warm. Adventurous. Authentic. Silly.  I manage to carve out a niche for myself professionally but commit to being authentic and taking risks.  What that means at work is creating experiential activities in the classroom that might be seen as goofy but doing them anyway, if there is a point to them.  Like the rubber chicken throwing activities to teach small team/large team processing.

 

What are you passionate about? What type of work makes you jump out of bed in the morning and/or stay up late at night?

 

See answer one. Writing stories and thinking about what my experiences have taught me about life.  At work, it’s helping people be more positive about their working relationships. Helping people get out of the right/wrong box and shift perspective.

 

What is your source of inspiration?  What drives you forward?

 

I seem to be driven by a need for attention. But also, the real desire to help people connect across boundaries, whether racial or gender or just union/management.  What do we have in common and how can we have a richer experience of life by knowing each other.

 

 

How do you see yourself evolving, or "becoming", in the next year?  In the next 3 years?

 

I would like to keep writing and see where it takes me. I have some dreams but I am too superstitious to put them in writing.  And, I don’t know. Maybe fall in love. I’m also working on my fitness goals. I have lost a lot of weight in the two years since my marriage broke up. I want to continue down that path and start doing more physical activity. I just signed up for a rowing the Schuylkill class that I am excited about.

 

 

 

Thanks for your insights, Marjorie!

 

 

To contact Marjorie directly, please email her at: [email protected].

 

 

 

Are you becoming, or do you know someone who is becoming?  I am always looking for the next becoming interview! 

 

 

Semiannual Inspiration: Change the World One Person at a Time

 

 

The newest edition of the semiannual inspiration message is now available – Change the World One Person at a Time!  Here’s a sneak preview of one of the lessons.

 

 

THE STORY OF MANDEEP

 

 

I also know of someone else who is changing the world one person at a time – my pal Mandeep. 

 

 

The story actually begins with someone else who decided to change the world one person at a time – a senior manager at work.  This manager approached me about a year ago and asked I would help Mandeep navigate coming out of the closet at work and in his personal life.  This manager had been helping Mandeep, but he wanted Mandeep to be able to talk with someone closer to his age.  So, he connected Mandeep and me.

 

 

When I first met Mandeep, he had just come out at work, was nervous discussing his sexual orientation, and was spending many nights home alone in his suburban apartment.  He felt stuck.  So, I encouraged him to move into Center City Philadelphia, got him involved in some diversity activities at our company, and recruited him to help me and others lead the launch of our LGBT employee resource group. 

 

 

Fast forward one year.  Mandeep lives downtown in the heart of our most thriving LGBT neighborhood, but his story at work is more compelling.  A few weeks ago, as we were getting ready to launch the LGBT employee resource group, Mandeep gave a presentation introducing the group and its purpose to a room of 50 managers, most of whom he had never met before.  I simply expected him to run the managers through three PowerPoint slides, but he did much more.  He talked eloquently and from the heart about the benefits and challenges of coming out at work.  The chief diversity officer and I were brimming with pride as we watched Mandeep captivate the audience; in fact, many of my colleagues joined the group as straight allies after seeing a similar presentation from Mandeep. 

 

 

So, what’s the learning here?  We all change the world one person at time.  The senior manager changed the world by connecting Mandeep and me.  I changed the world by mentoring Mandeep.  And Mandeep changed the world by getting up in front of a bunch of strangers and showing them that it’s okay to be gay at work.  I bet he inspired many straight allies to join our group, but even better, I like to think there was a closeted employee in that audience and maybe Mandeep inspired her to consider coming out and bringing her whole self to work. 

 

 

 

To read the rest of the message, and view past messages, visit the Semiannual Inspiration Messages page.  I release these messages 2-3 times per year.  If you’d like to receive them before they are posted on my blog, please email me your email address, and I will add you to the distribution list.

 

 

If you have comments or feedback about the message, share them here! 

Expanding Your World: Countdown to Turkey

 

 

I am excited to report that Jon and I leave for Turkey in just a few days!  We will explore Istanbul and Western Turkey.

 

 

Rest assured, I’ll be sharing selected pictures via this series of posts.  To refresh your memory, I show a picture and ask a personal reflection question, and you respond via the Comments section of this blog. 

 

 

To get us started. I have posted a map picture, and I have an opening question for you all!  I look forward to connecting with you all in early June!

 

 

What journey are you on now, or are about to begin?  What excites you most about it?

Building a Better Community: Do It at Work

 

 

I thought I’d announce some good news by offering you a chance to learn from it!  I recently received a promotion at work – I am now the program  manager of my company’s diverse employee resource groups.  We have groups for women, Black people, Hispanic/Latino people, Asian people, and LGBT people, and I will be helping them with everything from strategic development to event planning and communication. 

 

 

Many of you know I am passionate about education and my work in corporate training fit me well as a result, but I am now very excited to incorporate my other passion in my work – community building!  Each and every day, I will help the employees of my company build better communities for networking, professional development, and perhaps most important of all, friendship and understanding. 

 

 

So with this good news comes your learning!  I have one simple question for you in the spirit of my recent promotion…

 

 

How can you build a better community at work? 

 

 

I’d love to hear some of your answers; so, feel free to post here.  I wish you all the best in investing in your community at work!

Becoming Interview: Angela Giampolo – Passionate about Law and LGBT Advocacy

 

 

This week Angela Giampolo is in the hot seat!  My partner Jon and I got to know Angela while she helped us with LGBT financial and estate planning.  She is an attorney, author, avid entrepreneur, and advocate for the LGBT community.

 

 

Tell us about a cool project you are currently working on.

 

 

I am actually very excited about a new radio show that I will be hosting. The show will discuss contemporary issues with regard to LGBT equality and follow recent legal developments that may affect this community. My goal supersedes simply making the general population aware of LGBT law; I would like to help individuals understand it, as well. I get to sit down with some of the community’s most influential members – such as Rep. Brian Sims, Mark Segal, Executive Directors of local LGBT non-profits and more – on air so that the public can get a better idea of these individuals’ perspectives. This affords me the opportunity to discuss generally the same material I evaluate in my blogs and columns, but on a larger scale and for a new audience.

 

 

The new show will be available on Loraine Ballard Morrill’s “Insight”, airing on WDAS FM on Sundays from 6:00-7:00 AM and on Power 99 FM from 7:00-7:30 AM. To read more, visit: http://www.wdasfm.com/pages/loraine.html#ixzz2MiQaVxFG.

How would you describe yourself?  What words would you use?  What is your brand?

 

My firm’s motto is “Driven. Focused. Passionate.”, and those are three words and an overall ideal that I try to apply to all facets of my life – not just business. But frankly, I think the most important one and the one that describes me the best is passionate.   I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed in the morning if I weren’t passionate about what I do.

 

Similarly, what has really helped me to excel, both personally and professionally, is my sense of empathy. The legal system can be particularly cold and dehumanizing, and being empathetic helps me keep in perspective that my clients are human beings, many of which have been wronged in some way, who take their legal problems with them to work, to lunch and home at night.  Their legal problems can be all encompassing and I have the honor and the privilege to help them assuage some of their fears.   My clients deserve the same measure of patience, attention and devotion that I would expect to be paid to me, my friends, or my family.

 

What are you passionate about? What type of work makes you jump out of bed in the morning and/or stay up late at night?

 

Well, I am fortunate enough to have a job that combines all of the elements that I am most passionate about: law, advocacy and writing. I get to work every day to help clients navigate our complex legal system, and by doing so, I am sometimes able to spur positive change, particularly for the LGBT community and small business owners. Then, at the end of the day, I have the opportunity to reflect on that, and write about the law and my experience in simple terms so that everyone can learn from and build upon those goals and challenges.

What is your source of inspiration?  What drives you forward?

 

There have been incredible individuals and advocates within the LGBT community that have made considerable progress for everyone and they are my main source of inspiration.  I’m driven by the desire to help individual business owners achieve their dreams and in one day living in a country where there isn’t Gay law and Straight law – just the law.

How do you see yourself evolving, or "becoming", in the next year?  In the next 3 years?

 

The beauty of my job is that I am able to evolve and improve each time that I work with someone new. Ideally the next year, or three, or five, yields equal rights for everyone, including the LGBT community. That would entail millions of couples dealing with formerly unchartered legal territory; it will be a learning process for everyone involved, myself included.

 

In the next year, my book on rooftop bars from around the world will hopefully be in bookstores!  www.rooftopbarbook.com.

 

And last but not least, my three-year goal is to own a B&B or small guesthouse internationally (somewhere hot!) and while the guests would come from all over the world, I specifically want to create a travel and wedding destination for the LGBT community. 

 

Thanks for your insights, Angela!

 

 

Angela D. Giampolo is an attorney, author, avid entrepreneur, and advocate for the LGBT community. As Founder and Principal of Giampolo Law Group, her goal is to provide a safe place for the LGBT community to service their legal needs and have their business and entrepreneurial questions answered. She is a Columnist for Philadelphia Gay News, Philadelphia Business Journal, Echelon, and Edge. Her columns inform readers about changes affecting the LGBT community and provides expert advice on varying topics.  To learn more about Giampolo Law Group visit www.giampololaw.com and to read more articles, you can visit the firm’s two blogs at www.phillygaylawyer.com. To contact Angela directly with your business and legal related questions email her at: [email protected].

  

 

Are you becoming, or do you know someone who is becoming?  I am always looking for the next becoming interview! 

Semiannual Inspiration: Your 2012 Lessons

 

 

The newest edition of the semiannual inspiration message is now available – the annual installation of your reader lessons!  Here’s a sneak preview of one of the lessons.

 

 

• If you really live in the "now" you can't actually be unhappy.  Unhappiness usually comes from living in the past or being afraid of the future; so, mindfulness throughout the day is the goal! (start with one small thing... like brushing your teeth mindfully or eating an apple mindfully, it can change the way you see the world!).  Also, go into silence for a while.  For example, at the beginning of meetings, we go into silence for about 2-3 minutes – it’s mind-blowing!  I wish I could "go into silence" every time I start with a new activity, and sometimes in between.  Inga in Wurzburg, Germany

 

 

To read the rest of the message, and view past messages, visit the Semiannual Inspiration Messages page.  I release these messages 3-4 times per year.  If you’d like to receive them before they are posted on my blog, please email me your email address, and I will add you to the distribution list.

 

 

If you have comments or feedback about the message, share them here! 

What’s Your Favorite…?: Jon Blandford Loves the Warmth of the Holidays

 

 

In this series of posts, friends, family, colleagues, and network connections answer one question about their favorite something.  In each post, the favorite question, as well as the person who answers it, varies.

 

 

Up this week is Jon Blandford.  Jon is my partner; I know he loves the holiday season; and I love him.  Simple, right?!  I asked him this question.

 

 

What’s your favorite thing about the holiday season?

 

 

Jon’s Answer:  For me, even though it’s cold out where I am from, I love the warmth of the holiday season!  If we’re talking about the five senses, I love the warm glow of Christmas lights in quiet residential areas and the smell of fireplace smoke that wafts from chimneys.  However, the warmth I love most is the one that comes from spending quality time with family and friends. 

 

 

Thanks for sharing, Jon!  You can contact him at [email protected].

 

Now it’s your turn to answer this question – what’s your favorite thing about the holiday season?  Post your reply in the Comments section.  I look forward to your replies, and if you or someone you know would like to share a favorite, please contact me!

 

Jon and I both wish you a happy, and warm, holiday season!  I am going to take a few weeks off from the blog - I'll be back in late December or early January with your lessons of 2012!

Building a Better Community: Share a Lesson Learned in 2012

 

 

One great way to build community is to share your learning!   With your learning, you can help  someone else grow and change!

 

 

It has become an annual tradition for me to compile lessons learned from my readers and share them via a semiannual inspiration message posted on this blog.  Can I ask you to share your lesson with us?  To help inspire you, I share one from Shelah in Staunton, VA:

 

 

"I think the most important lesson I'm learning this year: to trust the truth of my experience. To trust the wisdom of my body, which is so difficult for someone like me who spends so much time in her head. To listen to what's rising in the moment and honor it instead of fighting against it all the time."

 

 

If you would like to share your 2012 lesson learned with our community, please email it to me, along with your first name and location, at [email protected] by December 15.  I look forward to learning from your lesson!

Becoming You: My 2013 Impact Plan

 

 

I don’t do New Year’s resolutions because they have just never stuck for me.  Instead, about one month before year-end, I begin planning for the coming year.  And I am very excited for 2013 because I have decided to set an aggressive goal for myself – to double my impact! 

 

So, you may be wondering what it means for me to double my impact.  Let me share my Top 10 initiatives for 2013 - I call it my 2013 Impact Plan.  I look forward to:

 

• Being a source of love, support, and peace for my partner, family, and friends.
• Providing engaging and educational guidance that will help Temple University undergraduates make better decisions.
• Coaching and inspiring Muhlenberg College seniors to find work they are passionate about in organizations that share their values.
• Welcoming Muhlenberg College first-year students and their families to the Muhlenberg community during August move-in.
• Helping lead the launch of an employee resource group for LGBT employees in my workplace.
• Connecting Muhlenberg alumni with each other in my workplace.
• Providing employees and managers of my firm with learning solutions that help them do, be, and feel better. 
• Increasing my commitment to community service, which will include leading and/or participating in Martin Luther King Day of Service and United Way Days of Caring projects.
• Mentoring and serving as a role model for GLBT colleagues who struggle with bringing their whole selves to work and/or coming out to friends, family, and/or colleagues.
• Sharing with my network what I learn after traveling to Turkey.

 

Okay, now it’s your turn.  What impact do you want to have in 2013?  Take 15 minutes and jot down some notes.  If you feel comfortable, share some or all of your plans here by leaving a comment.  And you don’t need a top 10 list like me – 2 or 3 action items are just fine!

 

I wish you all the best in planning for an impactful 2013!

It’s Personal: I Miss You, Aunt Ruthie

 

 

My Aunt Ruthie, who introduced my mom and dad to each other (she’s the reason I’m here today!), died 15 years ago.  I still think of her often.  She had a hearty laugh and a zeal for life.  Enjoy this story, which is followed by a personal reflection question.  This story may seem familiar to some of you – a version of it was featured in an early semiannual inspiration message. 

 

 

You know that I love telling stories, and I hope this story helps get you thinking more deeply about leadership and service to others.  Savor it.

 

 

However, before I begin the story, a quick note about the picture that accompanies this post.  Yes, that is me with Aunt Ruthie.  I was 13 years old, and the picture is from my Bar Mitzvah.  Quite different than the picture of me on this page, no?  Many thanks to my mother for scanning and emailing it. 

 

 

Ruth Joan Brody, a friend of our family whom I refer to affectionately as Aunt Ruthie (the woman who introduced my parents – I would not be here without her!), was one of the first people in my life to teach me about leadership and service to others.  One of my fondest memories of childhood was volunteering with her at Temple Emanu-El’s weekly fundraiser – Tuesday night bingo.  I was charged with selling candy and sodas and enjoyed a lot of delicious junk food in the process!  Before Bingo began, I sat in front of a shelf of candies and filled customer orders, and during Bingo, I would push a cart of selected snacks throughout the temple.  I loved that work, and I loved watching Aunt Ruthie sell the sheets of Bingo cards and kibbitz (Yiddish for chat or gossip) with the customers who knew her well.  Everyone loved Aunt Ruthie. Not only was she there to help raise money for her beloved temple and its members, but she also genuinely cared about the women, and handful of men, that played bingo each week. 

 

 

Aunt Ruthie also organized a temple bowling league for young mothers with kids so that they could socialize and learn more about our temple, led summertime worship services when the rabbi was on vacation, and took time to help special needs kids with their religious school studies.  Aunt Ruthie passed away 15 years ago, but her leadership legacy lives on through the Temple Emanu-El Ruth Joan Brody Memorial Fund, which helps bring special programming to the religious school every year.  She embodied selfless, servant leadership, and she touched many, many lives.

 

 

And perhaps even more importantly to me, Aunt Ruthie was the first person in my life to expose me to gay men.  She had friends (you guys know who you are!) that came over to her house regularly, and we would often run into them.  My most salient memory is of their hearty, bellowing laughter.  Those guys could tell jokes and make sarcastic quips like no one else.   She really blazed a trail for me, without even knowing it.  She showed me that it’s always okay to be who you are, and that the right people will always, always love you for it.

 

 

Aunt Ruthie – Mom, Dad, Marianne, Len, and I miss you immensely, and so do a whole host of people you’ve never met, including the newer members of our family: Ryan, Harrison, and Jon.  Your story lives on in the stories we tell about you, and this is one of them.  I promise, promise, promise you that your life made a difference to so many of us and that your spirit will live on with us forever and ever. 

 

 

Question for You: What have you learned from Aunt Ruthie’s story, and how can you use that knowledge to help yourself and others?

 

 

Feel free to share your answer here, and I hope I have inspired you to be like Aunt Ruthie, to be the change you want to see in the world.

Expanding Your World: Best Friends Forever in Kunming

 

 

It’s time for another series of Expanding Your World!  If you don’t remember this series of posts, I show a picture and ask a personal reflection question, and you respond via the Comments section of this blog. 

 

 

This week’s picture is of two little boys holding hands as they walk down the street in Kunming, China.  I originally posted this shot in the highlights section of Afar.com (http://www.afar.com/travelers/brian-fishbone/highlights).  If you love collaborative travel, you should subscribe to Afar magazine and regularly visit their web site to view snapshots from travelers around the world!

 

 

This particular shot called to me because I love that it implies that some friendships are forever.  It was innocent; yet enduring.

 

 

Who is your best friend?  If you have not told him or her lately, I’d recommend an email or call to say, “Thanks for being my best friend!”

 

 

Cheers to you and your best friend!

Building a Better Community: Mentor, or Be Mentored by Someone

 

 

Over the past few months, I have learned one of the best ways to build community is to mentor people in need.  I have taken on three gay mentees because they reached out for help, or because someone else knew they were in need of help and connected me to them.

 

M, J1 and J2 (I am only using the first initial of their first names) all had different needs.   

 

 

• M, who had just come out of the closet,  needed someone to help him to reinvent his
  life.
• J1 needed an empathetic, listening ear because he was beginning to
  feel marginalized in his professional life and trapped in his personal life.
• J2 needed help navigating the cross-cultural implications of being
  gay.

 

Yet despite their different needs, they all needed to hear one key message from me, and I am going
to steal it from Dan Savage (www.itgetsbetter.org).

 

It gets better.

 

And this is truly why we build community.  We want things to get better, and I feel so good, at the core of my soul, when I am helping others do, be, feel, and get better.

 

So here’s my advice to you.

 

 

• If you need to get better, seek out a mentor.
• If you know someone needs to get better, reach out and offer to serve as a mentor.

 

Isn’t it time you helped yourself and/or someone else get better? 

 

You’ll surely be building a better community as a result.

What's Your Favorite...?: Candy Elkind Emerson – Triathlons Changed Her Life

 

 

In this series of posts, friends, family, colleagues, and network connections answer one question about their favorite something.  In each post, the favorite question, as well as the person who answers it, varies.

 

 

Up this week is Candy Elkind Emerson.  Candy and I have been friends for years – we met through a mutual friend.  I asked her this question.

 

 

What’s your favorite thing about triathlons?

 

 

Candy’s Answer:  My most favorite thing about triathlons is how it challenges my body, my mind and my soul. I’ve been doing them for six years now and each year I choose a race that goes the distance.  This past summer I finally completed 2012 Ironman Lake Placid.  It’s a 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile hilly bike course in the Adirondack Mountains in upstate New York, and a 26.2 mile marathon throughout the 1930 and 1980 Olympic Village. This is completed all in one 17-hour day.  It was amazing day and one experience I will never forget!  By doing an Ironman, it has changed my perspective on how I get through life.  I know I can tackle anything once I put my mind to it! 

 

Triathlons changed my life.  I’m grateful to the people I have met and the lifestyle is has created for me.

 

 

Thanks for sharing, Candy!  You can contact her at [email protected] .

 

Now it’s your turn to answer this question – what’s going to change your life?  Post your reply in the Comments section.  I look forward to your replies, and if you or someone you know would like to share a favorite, please contact me!

Semiannual Inspiration: 2012 Lessons - Start Small, Be Resilient, and Chase the Sun

 

 

The newest edition of the semiannual inspiration message is now available.  In it, I share lessons I learned in 2012 and ask you to share yours.  Here’s a sneak preview of one of the lessons.

 

 

• Start small to change big.  I am reading an outstanding book at work called The Power of Habit (Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business) by Charles Duhigg.  At the center of his book is the concept of the keystone habit.  I’ll summarize for you – by changing one small, yet central, habit, you can fuel other changes in your life.  I have identified the one keystone habit that is central to my well-being – exercising at least 4 times per week (two runs and two workouts at the gym).  I learned that exercise has a very powerful influence in helping me feel good about myself and reach my personal and professional goals.  The endorphin release fuels my positivity; the endurance ensures my appetite remains strong, which is especially important when I am depressed or anxious; and I do some of my best personal and professional thinking while I am running. Long story short, pick one small but central habit you’d like to change; work on just that; and see what other changes follow!

 

 

To read the rest of the message, and view past messages, visit the Semiannual Inspiration Messages page.  I release these messages 3-4 times per year.  If you’d like to receive them before they are posted on my blog, please email me your email address, and I will add you to the distribution list.

 

 

If you have comments or feedback about the message, share them here! 

Becoming You: Building More Effective Teams – 5-Step Conflict Resolution Model

 

 

The Building More Effective Teams series is now focused on effective conflict resolution, which is a key driver of team success.  As a leader, you need to practice effective conflict resolution AND create a team environment in which your team members can practice effective conflict resolution. 

 

 

This week, I offer a five-step conflict resolution model. 

 

 

Step	Detailed Actions
1.  Acknowledge the conflict	Recognize warning signs of conflict, such as hostile tone or lack of participation. Call time out if necessary. Assess the situation.
2.  Find common ground	Refer and relate regularly to mission and goals. State benefits, risks and processes that are common to all parties.
3.  Seek to find common understanding	Listen to everyone’s point of view. Ask questions and avoid assumptions. Summarize all contributions.
4.  Attack the issue, not each other	Focus on cause and effect, not personalities. Maintain respect at all times. Remain focused on what is best for the team.
5.  Develop an action plan	Write the plan collaboratively. Set deadlines. Distribute copies of the plan to all involved parties.

 

 

And now some reflection questions for you!

 

1. Think of some words you would say for each step.  It can help to mentally rehearse for conflict before it happens!
2. What are the benefits associated with each of the five steps?
3. What consequences or behaviors are likely to occur if you do not complete these steps?
4. How will this model be helpful for you to use in future conflict situations?

 

 

If you’d like to think out loud, feel free to share your answers here!

 

 

The next post in this series will cover a more detailed three-phase conflict resolution model.  Stay tuned!

 

Expanding Your World: Where Was I – Philadelphia or Taipei?

 

 

It’s time for another series of Expanding Your World!  If you don’t remember this series of posts, I show a picture and ask a personal reflection question, and you respond via the Comments section of this blog. 

 

 

This week’s picture is of a statue my fellow Philadelphians know very well – the Love statue in Love Park.  However, this picture is not Philadelphia – it’s Taipei, Taiwan!  When I saw the statue there, I did a double take.  I was actually confused about where I was, but when I finally got over that, I experienced a very real sense of place.  I was very far from  home, but still close.

 

 

So, here are some questions for you – a bit philosophical this week.  You can answer this question any way you like.

 

Where are you now, and how does it affect your thinking?  How does it make you feel?

 

 

And feel free to share your answers here!  I wish you happiness and peace, wherever you are!

What’s Your Favorite…?: Kevin Grubb – Social Media Is the Universal University

 

 

In this series of posts, friends, family, colleagues, and network connections answer one question about their favorite something.  In each post, the favorite question, as well as the person who answers it, varies.

 

 

Up this week is Kevin Grubb.  I recently met Kevin through networking, and we have become fast friends!  I asked him this question.

 

 

 

What’s your favorite thing about social media?

 

 

Kevin’s Answer: My favorite thing about social media is that it provides users with open access to information and conversation.  In a recent blog entry posted on Harvard Business Review's website, a pair of leaders from one of America's fastest growing companies referred to social media as the "universal university," and I could not agree more.  From the networks I've built on my social media presences, I've learned a great deal that has benefited my life both personally and professionally.  On Twitter, I'm continuously engaged with a network that helps me stay up to date on how social media is changing the way we do business, education, and more.  Inside my LinkedIn groups, I share questions and ideas with people in my industry that cause me to challenge assumptions and think big picture about what I can do to improve myself and my work.  When I'm trying to find a great place to go to brunch on the weekends, I ping my Facebook network.  Through social media, I've created and cultivated both friendships and ideas that contribute to self improvement on every level.  I'm thankful for what social media allows me to do and learn every day, and it's amazing to imagine the possibilities social media could create as we grow with it.

 

 

 

Thanks for sharing, Kevin!  You can contact him via LinkedIn at http://www.linkedin.com/in/kevingrubb or Twitter at https://twitter.com/kevincgrubb .

 

 

 

Now it’s your turn to answer the question – what’s your favorite thing about social media?  Post your reply in the Comments section.  I look forward to your replies, and if you or someone you know would like to share a favorite, please contact me!