Becoming - The Blog

Becoming You: Building More Effective Teams – The Five Truths about Conflict

 

 

The Building More Effective Teams series is now focused on effective conflict resolution, which is a key driver of team success.  .As a leader, you need to practice effective conflict resolution AND create a team environment in which your team members can practice effective conflict resolution. 

 

 

This week, I offer Five Truths about Conflict.  The key to team success is not to avoid conflict, but rather to use it in a constructive and positive way.  How a team deals with conflict can either strengthen or weaken the team.  Successful teams understand and embrace the five truths about conflict that appear below, and one simple set of discussion questions follows.

 

 

 

Truth	Description
Conflict is natural.	Whenever groups of people are brought together to be creative, share ideas, and implement changes, the risk of conflict is present.  However, successful teams accept conflict as natural and deal with it effectively.
Conflict occurs because of issues, needs, and behaviors, not personalities.	Teams can successfully maneuver through conflict when they understand that conflict results from disagreements about issues, needs, and behaviors. Team members who understand this truth express conflict in terms of issues, not as an attack on someone’s personality or values.  Team members should not tolerate the insulting or embarrassment of others.
Conflict is a group issue.	Disagreement between two team members can negatively influence the morale and productivity of the team.  Instead of taking sides, successful team members analyze both arguments, seek compromises, and help the two disagreeing parties to focus on what is best for the team.
Conflict is resolved by focusing on the present, not the past.	Fixating on past disagreements will not resolve the current conflict.  Successful teams remain focused on present issues to resolve conflicts.
Conflict is resolved through openness.	When team members are open to other people’s ideas, issues, and solutions, the team can compile more creative options for solving a problem and can resolve conflict quickly and efficiently.

 

And here is my simple set of two discussion questions – feel free to share your answers via the Comments. 

 

 

• Which of the truths above speaks to you most?  Why?
• What other truths have you discovered about conflict?  How did you discover them?

 

 

The next post in this series will cover five major causes of conflict.  Stay tuned!

Becoming You: Building More Effective Teams –Your Values in Conflict Situations

 

 

For the next few posts, my Building More Effective Teams series will focus on effective conflict resolution, which is a key driver of team success.  .

 

 

As a leader, you need to practice effective conflict resolution AND create a team environment in which your team members can practice effective conflict resolution.  So, let’s begin by understanding our own experiences with conflict.  Instead of learning complex theories of conflict and conflict resolutions, let’s use our own personal experiences with conflict to explore constructive and destructive outcomes of conflict and the importance of values in understanding conflict. 

 

 

Okay, now it’s time for your personal reflection!  Complete the following five exercises – feel free to do this on your own or post your responses in the comments section of this post. 

 

 

Exercise 1: Identifying Personal Conflict Situations

Think back to a conflict that you have experienced recently.  Give the situation a title of one to four words and offer a short description of the conflict situation.  The conflict can be either personal or professional.

 

 

Exercise 2: Identifying Personal Values

Record the three to five personal values that are most important to you.  Examples of values are commitment to excellence, integrity, and inclusion.

 

Exercise 3: Detailing Events, Behaviors, and Values

Answer the following questions related to the event that caused the conflict, behaviors you and the other party demonstrated, and the values involved in the conflict. 

 

Event:

 

• What event or events led to the conflict situation? 
• Who was involved?
• How long had you known the other party?

 

Behaviors:

 

• What did the other party do or say in response to the conflict?
• What did you do or say in response to the conflict?

 

Values:  

 

• Which of your values were involved in the conflict? 
• How did the situation cause a conflict with your values?

 

Exercise 4:  Defining Destructive and Constructive Outcomes

• What are some of the destructive outcomes of unresolved conflict?  How did they affect both parties?  What were the negative consequences of those destructive outcomes?
• What are some of the constructive outcomes when conflict is resolved?  How did the successful resolution make both parties stronger?  What were the positive consequences of those constructive outcomes?

 

Exercise 5: Examining Personal Values

Select two or three of your values that were involved in the conflict.  Answer questions about each value.

 

 

Value 1:                                                                                                                     

1. What makes this value important to you?
2. Why do you think it causes conflict?
3. How can you use this value to resolve, instead of cause, conflict?

 

Value 2:                                                                                                                     

1. What makes this value important to you?
2. Why do you think it causes conflict?
3. How can you use this value to resolve, instead of cause, conflict?

 

Value 3:                                                                                                                     

1. What makes this value important to you?
2. Why do you think it causes conflict?

3.   How can you use this value to resolve, instead of cause, conflict?

 

 

Conflict often arises because there has been a violation of one or more of your and/or the other party’s values.  People may refuse to work together or accept another person’s suggestion because they feel doing so will compromise their values.  If you find yourself involved in conflicts on a regular basis, your values could be at the core of the problems you face personally and professionally. 

 

 

Once you begin to understand how your values influence your actions and interaction with others, you can deal more effectively and responsibly with conflicts when they arise.  The next exercise will help you to better understand the values that play a significant role in your conflict situations.

 

In the next post in this series, we’ll identify some other causes of conflict.  Again, feel free to share some of your responses to the exercises in this post!

Becoming You: Building More Effective Teams – Key Characteristics

 

 

In this series of posts, I’d like to help you become a better leader.  I’ll ask questions and share competencies, skills, and best practices to help you reflect on your past and present leadership and plan for the future.  The content of these posts is adapted from team building training I developed and delivered earlier in my career.

 

Up this week are the key characteristics of effective teams, which are especially important for the new leader to consider as his or her team develops.  If he or she experiences difficulty in team building, he or she can examine one or more of the key factors in order to identify improvement opportunities. 

 

 

The characteristics appear below, and each one is followed by a reflection question – please feel free to share answers in the comments section of this post!

 

Commitment

Effective teams have members who see themselves as belonging to team, rather than as individuals who operate autonomously.  Although team members are encouraged to share their distinct ideas and opinions, they are committed to team goals, not personal agendas.   Question:    How do/can you inspire commitment on your team?

 

Trust

On successful teams, members have faith that each member will honor commitments, maintain confidences, and support other team members consistently.  Each time team members positively interact with one another or exhibit integrity, trust is reinforced on the team.   Question:     What actions will help you to build trust daily on your team?

 

Purpose

A shared sense of purpose is crucial on an effective team.  The team must understand how its purpose relates to organizational goals, and within the team, each member must understand his or her role, feel a sense of ownership, and recognize how his or her contributions make a difference on the team.   Question:    How can you communicate the team’s purpose on a regular basis?

 

Communication

Team success also depends on effective internal communication among team members and external communication with other contacts within the organization.  By sharing information outside of the team, team members can build external support networks throughout the organization, and positive intra-team communication results in effective decision making and conflict resolution.   Question:   How can you better communicate with team members and contacts                     outside of your team?

 

Involvement

A focus on involvement of all team members helps teams achieve goals more productively.  Each team member should have a clearly defined role and view other team members as partners in achieving team goals.  The manager, or any other leader on the team, can build a more unified team by regularly soliciting and respecting contributions from all team members and establishing a consensus before committing the team to action.   Questions:   Would you use the word “partner” to describe relations among your                       team members?  If yes, why?  If no, what word would you use and                       why?

 

Process Orientation

Once a team has a clear purpose, it must clearly understand the processes and procedures that will help it achieve objectives.  Processes and procedures may include problem-solving tools, brainstorming, planning techniques, regular meetings, and action plans.    Questions:     What are the key processes or procedures on your team?  Have you                         ever evaluated them before?  If yes, what did you discover?

 

Becoming You: Building More Effective Teams – Competencies

 

 

In this series of posts, I’d like to help you become a better leader.  I’ll ask questions and share competencies, skills, and best practices to help you reflect on your past and present leadership and plan for the future.  The content of these posts is adapted from team building training I developed and delivered earlier in my career.

 

 

Teams do not become cohesive without a talented team leader.  To be a successful team leader, you need a variety of leadership skills and competencies.  The chart below describes those core competencies.  I’ll have some questions for you after you review the chart.

 

 

Competency	Description
Aligning vision with shared values	When a leader articulates a vision that is in alignment with the values of team members, he or she inspires them to achieve outstanding results.
Managing change and encouraging innovation	Successful leaders consistently challenge the status quo.  They empower teams to propose and implement policies and procedures that increase revenue and/or cut costs.  In addition, successful team leaders encourage team members to respond to changing business conditions with innovative ideas.
Communicating effectively	Leaders who communicate clearly and concisely on paper and in person set clear expectations and motivate team members to perform at a high level.  Leaders are most successful when they communicate vision, goals, and praise regularly.
Planning meetings and managing time effectively	Meetings are often where most teamwork occurs, and it is important to make the most of your meetings, from setting a clear agenda to actively listening to all team participants.  In addition, you must manage time well so that you have time to regularly offer feedback individually to each team member, regardless of his or her performance level.
Setting appropriate goals, documenting the planning process, and implementing the action	While team building requires many soft skills, most of a team’s success directly relates to its ability to execute.  Teams complete projects on or before the deadline when the team leader sets specific goals and oversees and assists with the planning and execution of actions.
Managing diversity and inclusion	Successful leaders take special care to understand the diverse backgrounds of team members and use that knowledge to motivate each team member effectively.
Resolving conflicts	Although conflict on a team is most often inevitable, the skilled leader recognizes it as a source of strength and creativity and resolves it accordingly.

 

Now, it’s time for some personal reflection.  If you’re comfortable, share some responses with us via the comments section of this post!

 

 

• Which of the competencies above are your strongest?  What are some examples of you exhibiting them? 
• How can you leverage these strengths to become an even more effective leader?
• Which of the competencies above are developmental opportunities? 
• How can you further develop yourself in these areas?

 

 

In the next post in this series, we’ll explore the ten essentials of teamwork.  I look forward to helping you develop as a leader in 2012!  Stay tuned!

Becoming You: Get Time on Your Side – One Simple Rule and Question

 

 

 I intend to post about time management from time to time (pardon the pun!), and I’ll call this series of posts “Get Time on Your Side”.  Let’s start the series just in time for new year’s resolution season!

 

 

One of my favorite ways to manage time more effectively is to employ what I call One Simple Rule and Question.  Just live your life by the simple rule below, and when deciding whether to do something, ask yourself the simple question.

 

 

Simple Rule:  Choose activities based on your goals, mission, or purpose in life.  Don’t know your mission?  Write your own mission statement ASAP!

 

 

Simple Question:  Will this activity move me in the direction I want to go in life?  If the answer is no, don’t do it!

 

 

What do you think?  What’s your overall approach or strategy for time management?  Feel free to share your ideas in the Comments section. 

 

Wishing you a happy and peaceful new year!

Becoming You: A Love Letter to My Home, Philadelphia

 

 

This week, I thought I’d push the envelope a little.  I believe a big part of “becoming you” is finding a place you can call home.  I have found that.  Here’s my love letter to my home.

 

 

Dear Philadelphia,

 

 

Thank you for being the city that loves me back.  And grows with me. 

 

 

For more than a decade, I have thrived here in the closet and out of the closet, depressed and at peace, as the general manager of a uniform company and as a corporate trainer, as a volunteer leader and as an adjunct professor, and as  Jew and as a Unitarian-Universalist.  My friends from Muhlenberg brought me to you, and even though many of them have left over the years, I remain.  I even lived in Korea on and off for 2 years, but I came back to you when all was said and done.  No matter where I’ve been, you’ve always loved me wherever I am.

 

 

Yes, you have evolved into a super hip mecca of amazing food, culture; yet, it’s your core that I love the most.  Here are my favorite things about you.

 

 

1.  Your revolutionary spirit, embodied best by the flame that burns eternally in Washington Square Park as a monument to the soldiers who gave their lives in the Revolutionary War.

 

2.  The way the river sparkles on a sunny fall afternoon as I run along the Schuykill River Trail (http://www.schuylkillrivertrail.com).

 

3. The wide smiles and kind words Jon and I are showered with whenever we enter our favorite Thai restaurant – you are truly a city of neighborhoods and neighbors (www.erawanphilly.com).

 

4.  Meandering through your Reading Terminal Market (http://www.readingterminalmarket.org) in search of new spices, sauces, and meals.

 

 

But my most favorite thing about you is that you brought Jon and me together.  I moved to your Center City for a new life fresh out of the closet, and Jon moved here for an education.  We both got those things, and on July 1, 2006, we got each other.  You helped me find my true home, Jon, in the southeast corner of your Rittenhouse Square Park.

 

 

No matter where the road takes us, I will always call you home.  Always.

 

Love,
Brian

 

 

Now it’s your turn.

 

Can you write a love letter to your home?  If yes, what would you say?  If not, why not?

 

Feel free to share your thoughts, and/or your own love letter, here.

 

Becoming You: We Are All Humans Becoming

 

 

This week I was reminded three times of one of my favorite truths – we are all humans becoming.  I will share the three blessings I witnessed or experienced and then ask you some reflection questions.

 

 

1. My partner Jon was informed his temporary job is now permanent!  You might be thinking that he is lucky in this economy.   Wrong!  Jon worked his butt off to prove his value each and every day – he was constantly evolving as a business analyst!  He has helped his company build a database of electronic records and move from worst to best in region on an annual audit.  Lesson learned – striving to continuously become pays off!

 

 

2. One of my best friends, with the help of doctors, helped identify a new medicine to treat a very debilitating illness.  She texted me that she has not felt this good in 20 years!  Why?  Because she never gave up on finding the right medicine.  Lesson learned – striving to continuously become improves your health!

 

 

3. The final situation is a personal one – I was informed this week that I won my department’s Adjunct Teaching Award for Excellence in the Classroom at Temple University’s Fox School of Business.  I was humbled and speechless, and joy and peace radiated from within me.  The point of sharing this is not to brag, but to tell you that it inspired me to continue improving my teaching!  For example, during this week’s class about appropriate and inappropriate workplace behaviors, we spent half an hour debating how sexual orientation should be treated in the workplace, and I really pushed them to challenge their assumptions and be more empathetic to anyone who is “different” than them.  They grew and changed right in front of my eyes.  Lesson learned – striving to continuously become changes lives!

 

 

So, now it’s your turn! 

 

How did you “become” today?

How can you “become” tomorrow?

Who and how do you impact others as a human becoming?

 

 

Feel free to post your answers here.  If not, compile your answers in a comfortable place and know that your journey as a human becoming, with all of its joys and struggles, changes our world for the better!

Becoming You: Leadership is Personal – Passion, Values, and Your Brand of Leadership

 

 

Welcome to the third installment of the series titled “Leadership Is Personal”, adapted from a training course I developed called “Your One-Hour Leadership Lab”.  I have facilitated the course for a variety of audiences, including training professionals in a Saturday morning American Society for Training and Development workshop and a worldwide conference for project managers in Denver, CO.  And the one takeaway I keep coming back to is that leadership is personal (hence the name of this series of posts!).   Throughout this series, I will ask you the questions I ask during the course’s small and large group activities.

 

 

Let’s continue the series with some questions about your passion, values, and brand of leadership.

 

 

• What are you passionate about? What types of activities ignite a spark within you?
• What are your uppermost values in life?  List 3-5 of them.
• Using your answers to the preceding questions, as well as what you have learned from the other posts in this series (i.e. the leader that moved you and the appreciative inquiry interview about a compelling team experience), develop your own personal definition of effective leadership.

 

For Example:  Some examples of values are integrity, honesty, commitment to excellence, and caring for others.

 

If you’re comfortable, post one or more of your answers above in the Comments section for this post.  I’d love to see us get a conversation going about passion, leadership, and personal definitions of leadership.

 

 

I’ll offer another post in this series soon!

Becoming You: Life Is Short

 

 

My normal walk to the commuter train brings me by an inner courtyard where my friend Chris McGinnis and I used to eat lunch together.  We are pals from Delaware Investments (I was a trainer there, and he worked in compliance), and earlier this year, we had a particularly memorable lunch - we not only shared our updates, but our future goals and dreams. 

 

 

Weeks later, Chris died suddenly.  

 

 

When I received the email about it, I literally had to catch my breath.  It knocked the wind out of me. 

 

 

Life is short. 

 

 

Tell your partner, spouse, family, and/or friends how much you value them.

Compliment one of their strengths.

Encourage them to dream big.

Tell them you love them.

 

I wish you and yours a healthy, happy, and peaceful life.

Becoming You: Leadership is Personal – A Compelling Team Experience

 

 

Welcome to the second installment of the series titled “Leadership Is Personal”, adapted from a training course I developed called “Your One-Hour Leadership Lab”.  I have facilitated the course for a variety of audiences, including training professionals in a Saturday morning American Society for Training and Development workshop and a worldwide conference for project managers in Denver, CO.  And the one takeaway I keep coming back to is that leadership is personal (hence the name of this series of posts!).   Throughout this series, I will ask you the questions I ask during the course’s small and large group activities.

 

 

Let’s continue the series with an appreciative inquiry interview about a time you participated on and/or led a team.  The appreciative inquiry approach encourages you to reflect on past successes and use them to reach future success.

 

• Think of a time when you were highly successful on a team, a time that you felt most energized, fulfilled, and effective and were able to accomplish more than you imagined.  What made it such a compelling experience?  Provide a quick summary of the team experience, the people involved, and how you achieved your goal(s).

 

• Without being too humble, what was it about YOU that contributed to the team’s success?  Describe the qualities and what you value about yourself that helped generate success.

 

• What was it about the team environment that enabled you to perform so well?

 

• It is one year from today, and your team is exceeding all of your expectations.  You are more successful than ever.  What does the success look and feel like?  What are you doing that has made you so successful?  How are you working differently, and what factors led to your success?

 

If you’re comfortable, post one or more of your answers above in the Comments section for this post.  I’d love to see us get a conversation going about compelling team experiences.

 

 

I’ll offer another post in this series soon!

 

 

Becoming You: Leadership is Personal – A Leader That Moves You

 

 

Time for a new series of posts!  This one, called “Leadership Is Personal”, is adapted from a training course I developed called “Your One-Hour Leadership Lab”.  I have facilitated the course for a variety of audiences, including training professionals in a Saturday morning American Society for Training and Development workshop and a worldwide conference for project managers in Denver, CO.  And the one takeaway I keep coming back to is that leadership is personal (hence the name of this series of posts!).   Throughout this series, I will ask you the questions I ask during the course’s small and large group activities.

 

 

Let’s begin with the opening exercise – a leader that moves you.  Answer the following questions with pen and paper on your own, or post your replies here on this blog so that we can begin a robust discussion – whichever you are more comfortable with.  Start by writing the leader’s name (it can be anyone – from someone famous to your grandmother!), and then move onto answering these questions.

 

 

• What is it about that leader that moves you?  What are his or her characteristics?  What do you like about him or her?  Why?
• What does your choice of this leader as one that moves you say about you as a person? 
• Is there anything about him or her that you would change?  If so, what would you change and why?

 

 

Again, if you’re comfortable, post your reply in the Comments section for this post.  I’d love to see us get a conversation going about leaders that move us.

 

 

 

I’ll offer another post in this series soon!

Becoming You: The Power of Positive Visualization

 

 

Summer time is about long, sunny, warm days; so, I thought I would provide an exercise you can complete to unleash the power of positive visualization in your life.

 

Complete the following exercise with no internal editing.

 

 

1.  Answer:

 

 

How do you see yourself in mental pictures?  What characteristics/traits do you have?

 

 

2.  Do:

 

 

Write ten words that describe the picture you see of yourself in your mind.

 

 

Now, let’s take the exercise to the next level.

 

 

 

1.  Answer:

 

 

How would you see yourself in mental pictures?  What characteristics/traits do you want to have?

 

 

2.  Do:

 

 

Write ten words that describe the picture you would like to see of yourself in your mind.

 

 

I will conclude with some insights and next steps.  Here are some insights about positive visualization.

 

• See yourself as you really want to be, rather than as you are. 
• You choose the picture and implant it in your mind, and the picture determines your actions.
• All meaningful, lasting change starts within your imagination and works it way out. 

 

And here are some next steps to help you begin practicing positive visualization in your life.

 

 

1.  Keep a scrapbook of items related to the positive mental picture of yourself (e.g. articles about your great work, commendation letters, etc.)

2.  Before you go to sleep each night, visualize the type of day you want to have and the person you want to be the next day.

 

 

If you have questions or comments about this post, share them in the Comments section.  Here’s to a more positive you!

Becoming You: A Prayer and Thanks Before Bed

 

 

Summer has arrived in Philadelphia, and I want to get outside this weekend.  So, this week’s post will be a quick one.  I am going to share my bedtime routine with you. 

 

 

I do two simple things before bed each night.

 

 

1.  I think of one person or thing that I am thankful for.  For example, I might say to myself, “I am thankful for Jon and all the joy he brings into my life.”

 

 

2.  I say a prayer for someone in need.  Even if you’re not religious, you can just send him or her a positive thought.  For example, a friend just lost his father rather suddenly; so, I have many times in the past two weeks wished him strength and peace in this difficult time.

 

 

I want my last waking thoughts each night to be positive ones – so I give thanks and wish someone else well.  Try it yourself!

 

 

Do you have a similar bedtime ritual?  Feel free to share it here!

Becoming You: The Power of Productivity Part 3 – Maximize Meeting Effectiveness

 

 

I am pleased part 3 of The Power of Productivity, a series of short posts designed to help you to become more productive at work and at home.  To refresh your memory, these posts come from some training I developed with my friend and colleague Theresa Hummel-Krallinger, and this one also includes training content about meetings that I have helped develop throughout my career.

 

 

First, Theresa’s three rules:

 

 

Follow these simple rules to make the most of your time before, during, and after meetings.

 

1. Never go to a meeting that has no clear objective and/or agenda.  Ask the inviter to provide that information, or decline the meeting.

 

2. When accepting a meeting invitation, block the appropriate amount of time to prepare for and follow up from that meeting.  Typically, we only block the time it takes for the meeting, but as we all know, there is usually some pre-reading or pre-thought that should happen before the meeting, and usually some action is required after the meeting.  Put that time on your calendar to ensure those important tasks are completed.

 

3. For meetings that you plan, schedule the meeting to end 5-10 minutes before the hour.  This allows time for folks to get to their next meeting on time.

 

 

And here is a “Top 20” checklist that you can use to maximize the effectiveness of your meetings.

 

 

1. An agenda is prepared prior to the meeting.

2. Meeting participants have an opportunity to contribute to the agenda.

3. Advance notice of meeting time and place is provided to those invited.

4. Meeting facilities are comfortable and adequate for the number of participants.

5. The meeting begins on time.

6. The meeting has a scheduled ending time.

7. The use of time is monitored throughout the meeting.

8. Everyone has an opportunity to present his or her point of view.

9. Participants listen attentively to each other.

10. There are periodic summaries as the meeting progresses.

11. No one tends to dominate the discussion.

12. Everyone is involved in decisions made at the meeting.

13. The meeting typically ends with a summary of accomplishments.

14. The meeting is periodically evaluated by participants.

15. People can be depended upon to carry out any action agreed to during the meeting.

16. A memorandum of discussion or minutes of the meeting is provided to each participant following the meeting.

17. The meeting leader follows up with participants on actions agreed to during the meeting.

18. The appropriate and necessary people can be counted on to attend each meeting.

19. The decision process used is appropriate for the size of the group.

20. When used, audiovisual equipment is in good working condition and does not detract from the meeting.

 

 

Have any of your own tips to share?  Please leave a comment here.  I wish you all the best in planning and executing effective meetings!

Becoming You: The Power of Productivity Part 2 – Get Control of Your Life

 

 

I am pleased to share part 2 of The Power of Productivity, which is designed to help you to become more productive at work and at home.  To refresh your memory, these posts come from some training I developed with my friend and colleague Theresa Hummel-Krallinger.

 

 

This post is short, but extremely important.  I can share thousands of tips to help you be more productive at work or at home, but I think the concept I am about to share could be transformational for you.  Without further ado, here it is!

 

 

Choose activities based on your goals, mission, or purpose in life.  When determining whether to do something or not, ask yourself, “Will this activity move me in the direction I want to go in life?”  If the answer is no, don’t do it!

 

 

Now, let’s take a step back.  Do you ask this question for every mundane activity, like going to the dry cleaner?  No!  But you can use it for the important decisions – like whether or not to volunteer for a project at work or spend more time at home with your spouse, partner, and/or family. 

 

 

In addition, it requires that you know your goals, mission, and purpose.  If you don’t know these, do not pass Go!  Do not collect $200!  Take some time ASAP to determine what they are, and use them in conjunction with the question above to make better choices and lead a more productive life.

 

 

If you have feedback on this approach and/or want to share one of your own, please leave a comment here. 

 

 

I’ll leave you with this question to answer. 

 

What one activity could you reduce in or eliminate from your professional or personal life because it does not serve your goals, mission, or purpose in life?

 

 

I wish you all the best in improving your professional and personal productivity!

Becoming You: Learning from Teaching

 

 

In one week, my spring semester classes at Temple University will come to a close, which often drives me to reflect on the power of teaching.  We teach family, friends, and colleagues in so many ways each and every day.  To get you thinking about it as well, I share below some of what I have learned from teaching in my life.

The most powerful teaching is shared teaching.  The teacher is not the sole expert in the room.  I have found the most powerful teaching, and learning, experiences, are born when the whole class takes responsibility for the teaching.  Each participant teaches, and each participant learns.

 

 

The intersection of your teaching and your student’s learning is transformational for both of you.  Teaching and learning are about change.  At the moment when your teaching becomes their learning, or vice-versa, lives are changed.  Really, it is this moment that fuels me.  I live for these moments; they make me jump out of bed at 5:00am so that I can leave work early to teach my Temple students and stay up late tweaking a seminar I will facilitate for job seekers. 

 

 

Even if you are not a full-time teacher or trainer, you teach people, and learn from them every day.  Did a co-worker ask you for help with a computer system this week?  Did you show your mother or grandfather how to surf the Web?  Or maybe you lived your values, and taught people via your example?  You absolutely change the lives of others every day by teaching them, and you change your own life via what you learn from that teaching. 

 

 

So, who will you teach today, and what will you learn from that experience?

Feel free to share your teaching moments and other insights or feedback by leaving a comment here. 

 

I’ll end with a quote I found online from Henry Brooks Adams (1838-1918), American journalist, historian, academic, novelist, and grandson of John Quincy Adams, “A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.”

Semiannual Inspiration: Positive Thinking Always Works

 

 

The newest edition of semiannual inspiration is now available.  It is the story of Ballo, one of the most positive people in my life.  Here’s a sneak preview.

 

 

Ballo always has a smile on his face, even when he’s cleaning the toilet in the men’s room.  He knows all the members of my gym and has a smile and a kind word for everyone.  In fact, I like him so much that I pop in to say hi even when I’m just passing by.  When I returned from Korea and saw him again at the gym, he gave me a huge hug and exclaimed, “Brian!  You’re back from Korea!  I knew you’d come back.”  Here’s a guy who sees hundreds of members in a week; he does not see me for two years; and he remembers me fondly.  I felt so special in that moment.

 

 

One day I asked him if he ever gets depressed.   The answer came back quickly and decisively, “No.”  He continued, “I learned about the US when I was very young, and I was curious.  I wanted to come here.  So, I prayed to God about it, and now I am here.  I love my job and my life.”  He’s a Devout Muslim and has a prayer rug that he lays out in the men’s locker room to pray two or three times during each shift – he works 7 days a week at the gym, from 2pm to midnight most of those days.  And does he complain?  No.  He always tells me, “Every day is like Monday for me, that’s all.”  So when I see him, he’ll ask me how my Saturday, Sunday, or whatever day it is, and no matter what day it is, I’ll ask him how his Monday is.   And we laugh together.  He’s a very special person in my life.

 

 

Positive thinking always works for Ballo.  Can’t it work for you as well?

 

 

To read the rest of the message, and view past messages, visit the Semiannual Inspirational Messages page.  I release these messages 3-4 times per year.  If you’d like to receive them before they are posted on my blog, please email me your email address, and I will add you to the distribution list.

 

 

If you have comments or feedback about the message, share them here! 

Becoming You: The Power of Productivity Part 1 – What Not to Do

 

 

It’s time to launch a new Becoming You series on the Becoming Blog!  I am pleased to share part 1 of The Power of Productivity, which help you to become more productive at work and at home.  These posts come from some training I developed with my friend and colleague Theresa Hummel-Krallinger.  I hope you enjoy the series!

 

 

WHAT NOT TO DO

 

 

The first post in the series offers some comic relief!  Below is a laundry list of what not to do in order to increase your productivity.  Enjoy it, and there will be more posts in this series soon!

 

 

• Do not check your email.
• Do not turn on the television.
• Do not clip your nails.
• Do not stare at your bald spot in the mirror and begin to calculate how much time your hair has left.
• Do not start catching up on the DVDs that have arrived from Netflix.
• Do not update your Netflix queue.
• Do not Google all your Exes.
• Do not Google yourself.
• Do not dust the house.
• Do not sweep the floors.
• Do not take out the trash.
• Do not get sucked into the argument when your significant other starts screaming about the fact that you drank the last of the milk and even though you said you would get more you didn't. Just apologize, apologize, and then apologize again. (But don't be tempted to apologize "for being such a horrible person" – that is a sign that you are getting drawn into a bigger dust-up. Stay on target with your apology, explain that you have serious work to do, and get back to your project.)
• Do not decide to make yourself an elaborate lunch.
• Do not change the cat litter.
• Do not decide to figure out the calorie count of your recent meals.
• Do not freak out that you have no money.
• Do not go into the bathroom and give your Academy Award acceptance speech.
• Do not put on Prince and party like it's 1999. (Well, okay, maybe ONCE, just to get you fired up about your project.)
• Do not start going through your closet.
• Do not decide to floss.
• Do not organize your spice rack.
• Do not update your address book.
• Do not start to think you don't have what it takes to actually do your project.
• Do not read any further on this list – caught you! Stop reading now and get to work on your project.
• Do not check what time the movie is playing later.
• Do not decide to send an angry email to that annoying friend who recently ticked you off.
• Do not play with the cats.
• Do not clip your nose hairs.
• Do not start trying to organize a dinner party.
• Do not start going through all the papers on your desk.
• Do not make a list of all the things you have to get done at work.
• Do not start thinking you are never going to finish.
• Do not make a quick run to the grocery store.
• Do not search for gray hairs.
• Do not start fantasizing about your favorite movie star.
• Do not go to IMDB to see who that actor was in that movie you saw the other night. Or what that girl from that show from way back when is doing now.
• Do not start perusing your own bookshelves.
• Do not organize your computer files.
• Do not click into the online gossip sites.
• Do not start reading old letters from old flames.
• Do not crack open a beer.
• Do not pluck your eyebrows.
• Do not to give yourself a facial.
• Do not start going through your photos.
• Do not start thinking about how your project is lame.
• Do not scrub the tub.
• Do not clean the toilet.
• Do not open a bottle of wine.
• Do not start wading through all the magazines you subscribe to but never read.
• Do not decide to start a screenplay (unless, of course, that is your project).
• Do not pull the ATM receipts out of your wallet and start entering withdrawals into your checkbook.
• Do not get up and keep getting yourself a glass of water.
• Do not refill the ice trays.
• Do not do the dishes.
• Do not start picking off the wax on your candle holders.
• Do not start worrying about all the time you've already wasted.

 

There are a million more things that could be on this list, but remember, it's not a to-do list, so it doesn't matter if something is missing -- you are NOT supposed to be doing these things. Just get to work on your project or task.

 

Wishing you increased productivity!

Becoming You: In Pursuit of Purposeful Living

 

 

When was the last time you experienced purposeful living?  When did you last catch yourself in the act of doing what you were put on this Earth to do, of sharing your unique gifts with the world?  As you have come to expect from me, I have a story to share about this.

 

 

I recently began teaching adjunct business ethics courses again at Temple University in Philadelphia (www.temple.edu). I have 73 Business Ethics students in two evening sections of the course, and I care deeply about each one of them.  We come together each week for facilitated activities and discussion about  businesses’ responsibility to their stakeholders – employees, shareholders, the community, the global village, the environment, the government, and the list goes on.  We watch movies and debate the ethical issues; we conduct deep reflection about our personal ethics; and we try to identify companies that live their values and are committed to corporate social responsibility. 

 

 

Sounds like simple teaching, right?  Actually, it’s much deeper than that for me.  In the classroom, my students and I learn, grow, and change together.  I am helping them learn how to make good decisions in their personal and professional lives, and doing so nourishes my soul.  I am providing transformational experiences every week,  and  it feels sensational to live my life purposefully.

 

 

So, what is your great work?   How can you live more purposefully?  Here are some personal reflection questions to get you thinking.

 

• What were you put on this Earth to do?  What are your unique skills, talents, and gifts? 
• How can you use those skills, talents, and gifts to help others in your work?
• Besides at work, where or how else can you share your skills, talents, and gifts with the world?

 

 

If you’re already living a purposeful life, I applaud you.  However, if you feel like you’re not, or just want to live more purposefully, isn’t it time you started to? 

 

 

I am always with you on the journey!  Post a comment here or reach out to me via email or LinkedIn if you need me.

 

Becoming You: Give a Little Love to Your Community

 

 

Many of us are out of full-time work right now and find ourselves relying on family, friends, and colleagues to support us through this difficult period.  I am sure that in the last week, if not in the last day, someone in your network has done something selfless to help you.  So, I say it’s time for us to give back – to give a little love to our community!

 

 

Here’s your assignment – before the end of the day, do something kind and selfless to help one or more people in your network.  To inspire you, I’ll tell you what I am planning to do this weekend.

 

 

Some friends of mine, who are fellow alumni of our alma mater Muhlenberg College, are coming to visit me in Philadelphia this weekend, and we are traveling to Allentown, PA (where Muhlenberg is located) to participate in a reception for seniors who need to practice their networking skills.  The students participate in a long weekend of skills training for life after college (it’s a very cool program called Reality MC – learn more at http://www.muhlenberg.edu/main/campuslife/sye/realitymc2011.html), and numerous alumni  attend the reception to hear their 30-second elevator speeches and help them build connections that could lead to future employment and/or other opportunities. 

 

 

Sure, my friends and I could have easily chosen to stay in Philadelphia and enjoy a nice Saturday evening dinner near Rittenhouse Square, but instead, we have decided to rent a car and head up to Allentown in order to, as I have titled this blog post, give a little love to our community.

 

 

So, now it’s your turn to give a little love to your community, and we’d love to hear how you choose to do so.  Feel free to leave a comment here so that you can inspire your fellow readers!

 

Becoming You: Six Year-Olds and Skeeball

 

 

This week’s post is simple because it’s about finding simple joy in your life.  Recently, I took my six year old nephew Ryan to Chuck E Cheese to play skeeball.  We each loaded up on game tokens and stood side-by-side rolling balls into the high-point-value holes as fast as possible.   Pure joy radiated from his face, and for the first time in a long while, I too felt a pure, uncomplicated joy.

 

 

So, my question for you is:

 

 

What can you do to experience simple joy in your life today?

 

 

Do it for you – you’re worth it!   Feel free to share how you’ll do it in the Comments section of this post.  I wish you simple joy!

Becoming You: Inspiration from Seoul

 

 

Greetings, family, friends, and colleagues!  I write to you once again from Seoul because my flight has been canceled - I was supposed to leave today, but will now leave on Thursday.  So, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to share one of my favorite pictures of Seoul (Winter Afternoon Sunlight Casts a Shadow on Bukchon Traditional Hanok Village) and some inspiration. 

 

Below are a few of my favorite sayings and questions - I try to live my life by them.  I hope they provide you with some inspiration for change in your life. 

 

1.  Have you invested in your community today?  Those of you who worked with me at Delaware Investments may remember that this question appeared at the end of every email I sent.  I consider it a gentle reminder to myself and to the world that we all should be building and nourishing our support networks of friends, family, and colleagues every day.  Question for You:  What have you done today to invest in your community?

 

2.  The world only spins forward - the great work begins!  This one is from Tony Kushner's Angels in America (the HBO adaptation).  I like to think of it when I get bogged down in overanalyzing my past actions and regrets.  It is also a gender reminder that the world is always moving forward and that we can begin impactful work at any time.  Question for You:  What is your great work? 

 

3.  Love yourself where you are, and love others where they are.  I just added this one to my daily reminders - you may remember it from my last semiannual message (to read my semiannual messages, just follow the link on the right side of this page).  This is the most important lesson that I learned while living, working, and loving in Korea.  Though we are all capable of change and we can and should help others to grow and evolve when we can, it is extremely important to love ourselves wherever we are, and to love our friends, family, and colleagues wherever they are, personally and/or professionally.  Question for You:  Do you love yourself where you are, and have you recently shown others that you love them where they are?

 

In a couple of days, I will say bon voyage to Seoul, Korea, and the Far East.  It's been an extremely powerful growth experience for me, and I am happy to share insights with any of you who want to learn more about my time here.  Please feel free to contact me at any time via this blog, LinkedIn (www.linkedin.com/in/brianfishbone), or email (follow the email link on this page).

 

I wish you all success, balance, happiness, and peace!

Becoming You: Semiannual Inspiration – Love Yourself Where You Are

It’s time again for semiannual inspiration!  Approximately 3-4 times per year, I write a one to two page message that helps readers engage in personal reflection and think more positively. 

 

 

The most recent message, which I have recently posted on this blog (see the end of this post for the direct link), is titled, “Love Yourself Where You Are”.  Here is an excerpt.

 

 

Where are you now?  In a job you love, or perhaps not?  With friends and family, or in an unfamiliar place?  In a happy chapter of your life, or in a difficult period? The most important lesson I have learned in Korea is to love yourself where you are and to love others where they are.  No matter what happens to you, remember that your self-worth is innate and not shaped by your past, present, or future actions.  We are unique and special just the way we are, wherever we are. 

 

 

Have I peaked your curiosity?  Read the whole message by clicking here . 

 

 

Past semiannual inspiration messages are available by clicking here .

 

 

Want to receive these messages by email?  Click the Email Me link on the right side of this web page, email me your email address, and I will add you to the distribution  list. 

 

 

Thanks as always for continuing to visit this blog.  Feel free to post your comments.

 

 

I encourage you to love yourself where you are, and love the people around you where they are! 

 

 

Becoming You: Find Your Center and Share Your Gifts

I too get depressed, and two of the past four weeks have been difficult. Yet despite the sadness, two very useful life lessons have presented themselves, and I would like to share them with you.  This post will be short, but I think you’ll find it transformative.

 

 

Lesson 1: Find Your Center

 

 

Through talking with a trusted colleague, I discovered that part of my sadness was coming from a lack of perspective.  I was too focused on what was wrong in my life.  Usually in this situation, I say affirmations to myself (i.e. engage in positive self-talk) to reverse the negativity, but even that was not working.   Instead, it turned out that I just needed some quiet, centered “me” time.  But how we get that?

 

 

Then, I remembered a meditation course I took six years ago.  In the class, I learned the practice of mindfulness sitting, and it changed my life.  I would sit straight up, eyes closed, in a hardback chair for anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes without thinking.   Just deep breathing, watching the colors behind my eyelids, and following sensations as they flowed throughout my body.  For 5 to 30 minutes per day, I found my center.  It was the one time of day that I was at complete peace. 

 

 

And now, I have begun doing meditating again.  Please don’t be confused, though.  It’s not a cure for sadness or depression; rather, it provides clarity.  For me, it cleanses my mind and centers me.  It’s my time of day to disconnect from the outside world and reconnect with myself, to find my center. 

 

 

And you know what another benefit of meditation  is?   I am able to more easily solve problems and resolve conflict in my life.  When I relax my mind, ideas enter it more quickly and easily.

 

 

So, meditation may be for you, or it may not be.  There are other ways to find your center. The questions to ask yourself are:

 

 

How can I find my center? 

How can I spend 5-30 minutes per day getting centered?

 

 

And most importantly…

 

 

Aren’t I worth the investment?

 

 

Lesson 2: Share Your Gifts

 

 

Another great way to combat sadness or depression is to share your unique and wonderful gifts with others. 

 

 

This is related to the karmic boomerang concept I shared via LinkedIn last week – when something negative happens to you, do something positive for someone else.  But sharing your gifts is more specific and takes a little more thought. 

 

 

When I was feeling down, I started by asking myself what my gifts are, and I came up with two that very much define me – caring for others and  teaching.  So, I set out to share those gifts!

 

 

First, I reached out to a friend in need.  She was suffering from depression here in Korea, and a few weeks ago, she had a particularly rough day.  So, I decided to call her – just to tell her that I cared about her, that she was not alone, and this would pass.  I know that a phone call seems like a minor, insignificant act, but she made it a point to tell me more than once how much the call meant to her. 

 

 

Second, I decided to help some co-workers with their Spanish.  I speak Spanish fluently and hardly ever get a chance to practice, and both of these co-workers were about to visit or move to Spanish-speaking countries.  So, I spent three hours with one and one hour with the other practicing Spanish and allowing them to ask me any questions they had about grammar and expressions.  And boy did it feel good to help them while sharing my unique gifts. 

 

 

So, here are my questions for you:

 

 

What are your unique gifts and talents?

How can you share them with others each and every day?

 

 

I hope these lessons have been helpful.  Please feel free to share some of your own life lessons or other tips to combat sadness and depression  in the Comments section of this blog. 

 

 

As always, I wish you a life filled with peace and happiness!

 

Becoming You: Taking a Personal Inventory Step 5 – Share Your Personal Inventory

As spring will arrive soon, it is an ideal time to take a personal inventory, which can help you unleash the best within and around you and reach a more balanced life.  The steps are as follows.

 

 

1. Develop a brand for yourself.
2. Identify your support network.
3. Reduce stress.
4. Find peace and happiness.
5. Share your inventory.

 

 

We covered steps one through four in  previous posts. 

• Information about the first step, as well as background information about taking a personal inventory, are at http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/2009/11/becoming-you-taking-a-personal-inventory-step-1-develop-a-personal-brand-for-yourself.html.

 

• Information about the second step is at http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/2009/12/becoming-you-taking-a-personal-inventory-step-2-identify-your-support-network.html.

 

• Information about the third step is at http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/2010/01/becoming-you-taking-a-personal-inventory-reduce-stress.html.  

 

• Information about the fourth step is at http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/2010/02/becoming-you-taking-a-personal-inventory-step-4-find-peace-and-happiness.html.

 

Without further ado, here is step 5!  I have enjoyed sharing these steps with you!

 

 

TAKING A PERSONAL INVENTORY – STEP 5

Share Your Personal Inventory

 

 

Feeling rejuvenated by the Taking a Personal Inventory process?!  Well, it’s time to share your positive energy with those around you by sharing your loving kindness and inner peace.

 

Here are four assignments.

 

• Give it to yourself.  (Think to yourself: “I wish myself peace and happiness.”)

 

• Give it away to a stranger.  (Think to yourself: “I wish the person in line ahead of me peace and happiness.”)

 

• Give it away to a friend or loved one.  (Think to yourself: “I wish [friend or relative’s name here] peace and happiness.”)

 

• Give it to away to a rival.  (Think to yourself: “I wish [rival’s name here] peace and happiness.”)

 

And ask yourself – who else can you give it to?

 

The final exercise in Taking a Personal Inventory is a very powerful one that reinforces the five steps.  Please write the following three action items on an index card and then complete them!

 

• One action you can take to reinforce your personal brand (more about Step 1 at http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/2009/11/becoming-you-taking-a-personal-inventory-step-1-develop-a-personal-brand-for-yourself.html)

 

• One action you can take to help the members of your support network (more about Step 2 at http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/2009/12/becoming-you-taking-a-personal-inventory-step-2-identify-your-support-network.html)

 

• One action you can take toward creating peace and happiness in your life (more about Steps 3 and 4 at http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/2010/01/becoming-you-taking-a-personal-inventory-reduce-stress.html and http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/2010/02/becoming-you-taking-a-personal-inventory-step-4-find-peace-and-happiness.html).  

 

The payoffs for completing this exercise are understanding your unique contribution to our world, promoting goodwill in your support network, and finding peace and happiness in your life.

 

And please keep in mind that Taking a Personal Inventory is a process you should complete on a regular basis because it:

 

• Reminds you of your unique contribution to our world.
• Helps you derive strength from and deliver strength to your support network.
• Keeps you focused on the peace and happiness in your life.

 

I hope this fifth and final installment of Taking a Personal Inventory has been helpful.  It was a real joy to share the process with you!

 

If you’re inspired, I welcome you to post some comments here.  You can also feel free to reach out to me if you need any help. 

 

 

Here’s to taking your personal inventory – good luck with it! 

 

Becoming You: Taking a Personal Inventory Step 4 – Find Peace and Happiness

 

As the new year is now here, it is an ideal time to take a personal inventory, which can help you unleash the best within and around you and reach a more balanced life.  The steps are as follows.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 - Develop a brand for yourself.

2 - Identify your support network.

3 - Reduce stress.

4 - Find peace and happiness.

5 - Share your inventory.

 

 

We covered steps one through three in previous posts. 

 

 

• Information about the first step, as well as background information about taking a personal inventory, are at http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/2009/11/becoming-you-taking-a-personal-inventory-step-1-develop-a-personal-brand-for-yourself.html.

 

• Information about the second step is at http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/2009/12/becoming-you-taking-a-personal-inventory-step-2-identify-your-support-network.html.

 

• Information about the third step is at http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/2010/01/becoming-you-taking-a-personal-inventory-reduce-stress.html.  

 

 

Without further ado, here is step 4!

 

 

TAKING A PERSONAL INVENTORY – STEP 4

Find Peace and Happiness

 

 

This step consists of two simple activities.  Enjoy them!

 

 

First, answer the following questions.

 

 

• Where do you find peace and happiness in your life?
• What are their external and internal sources?

 

Second, complete this activity.  Draw a picture of that which brings you peace and happiness.  Feel free to draw a person, place, thing, feeling, whatever.  And I encourage you to use crayons and construction paper – go back to those times in elementary school when you were free to draw whatever you liked!

 

 

If you don’t like to draw, that’s okay.  Instead, write a journal entry about that which brings you peace and happiness.

And here’s a closing kernel of wisdom.

 

 

Take the time to find peace and happiness somewhere in your life, either within you or around you, and savor it.

 

I hope this fourth installment of Taking a Personal Inventory has been helpful.  If you’re inspired, I welcome you to post some comments here.  You can also feel free to reach out to me if you need any help. 

 

 

Here’s to taking your personal inventory – good luck with it! 

 

Becoming You: Taking a Personal Inventory - Reduce Stress

 

As the new year has now arrived, it is an ideal time to take a personal inventory, which can help you unleash the best within and around you and reach a more balanced life.  The steps are as follows.

 

 

1. Develop a brand for yourself.
2. Identify your support network.
3. Reduce stress.
4. Find peace and happiness.
5. Share your inventory.

 

 

We covered steps one and two in previous posts. 

 

 

• Information about the first step, as well as background information about taking a personal inventory, is at http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/2009/11/becoming-you-taking-a-personal-inventory-step-1-develop-a-personal-brand-for-yourself.html.

 

 

• Information about the second step is at http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/2009/12/becoming-you-taking-a-personal-inventory-step-2-identify-your-support-network.html.

 

Without further ado, here is step 3!

 

 

TAKING A PERSONAL INVENTORY – STEP 3

Reduce Stress

 

 

As the creator of the seminar Increasing Human Effectiveness Bob Moawad (may he rest in peace), used to say, the only people without stress are in a cemetery.  So, we need to find ways to better manage it while we are on this side of the asphalt. 

 

 

I think the most useful advice I have received about reducing stress came from my meditation coach Dagmar Garetzki.  I took an adult learning course about mindfulness meditation with her about six years ago.  I will never forget her two wisest points:

 

 

• Fire the judge!  There is a voice, a kind of judge that resides in our minds.  He or she often tells us what we have done wrong, how we have failed, etc. – stories which involve negative self-talk and emotions.  You can’t ignore the judge completely, but you can take away some of his or her power by letting go of him or her.

 

 

• Hire the compassionate observer!  The compassionate observer simply observes negative thoughts as they come to mind and does not allow them to take control.  So, the next time you hear the judge telling you about that deadline you missed, instead of getting upset about it, just casually observe the negative thought and call it what is – just a passing negative thought.

 

 

In fact, why don’t you try this new approach to stress reduction right now!  Find a quiet area in your home or office and sit on a hard-backed chair in an upright position.  Then, sit still and breathe deeply for two minutes.  You may choose to close your eyes or leave them open.

 

 

I bet this was really hard.  The first time I did it – it was excruciating.  I could not tune out my thoughts (i.e. the judge). 

 

 

Here are some reflective questions to help you learn from this exercise.

 

 

• What were some of the thoughts that came into your mind?

 

• What types of thoughts were they?

 

• How did you react to the thoughts?

 

 

If you liked this activity, I encourage you to keep doing it and increase your sitting time by one minute each time.  By the end of my time with Dagmar, I could sit mindfully for 30 minutes at a time!

 

 

Here are some closing thoughts and questions about mindfulness sitting and stress reduction.

 

 

• Avoid emotional hijacking – the compassionate observer allows you to be in control!

 

 

• When a negative or stressful thought enters your mind, hold it for one or two seconds, take a deep breath, and then release the thought as you exhale.

 

 

• What can I let go of at this moment to be at peace?

 

 

• Will this bother me in 10 years?

 

 

I hope this third installment of Taking a Personal Inventory has been helpful.  If you’re inspired, I welcome you to post some comments here.  You can also feel free to reach out to me if you need any help. 

 

 

 

Here’s to taking your personal inventory – good luck with it! 

 

Becoming You: Sneak Preview of Semiannual Inspiration

 

 

This week, I offer a sneak preview of my January 2010 semiannual inspiration message titled “Changing for the Better”.  Here are some tidbits to get your started.

 

 

Sometimes change begins with looking in the mirror.  Quiet your mind, and be with yourself.  Then, ask this question - are you changing for the better? 

 

 

 

 

I have seen momentous changes in myself and others in 2009.  Some have been rejuvenating; some have been brutally difficult; yet all of them have been powerful. 

 

 

In 2009, did you change for the better?  Why or why not?

In 2010 will you change for the better?  Why or why not?

 

 

To read the entire message, complete with additional thought-provoking questions, stories, and insights about change, please visit  http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/semiannual-inspirational-messages.html.

 

 

And if you would like to receive the messages directly before they are posted on this blog, please contact me, and I will add you to the email distribution list for them.

 

 

Please remember that you are opening a new decade this year.  That only happens once every 10 years – so be sure to make it count.

 

Becoming You: Birth and Rebirth

This week’s post is about birth and rebirth. 

 

 

First, the happy news for my world – I am an uncle again!  Welcome to the world, Harrison Blake (my sister’s second son).  He joined my other nephew Ryan, who is 5, on December 16. 

 

A new birth in the family always makes me reflective.  In one moment, a baby is inside of his mother, and in the next moment, he arrives in our world.  He will experience happiness, sadness, and most importantly, love.  It truly is a miracle, and I am overjoyed right now.

 

 

So, now let’s move onto you.  After all, I created this blog for you. 

 

 

Let’s take my nephew’s birth and use it to think about your professional and/or personal rebirth, or reinvention.   Below are some questions to get you thinking, and above is one of my favorite reflective pictures from Korea – Winter Afternoon Light in the Bukchon Traditional Hanok Village in Seoul (picture taken December 6, 2008). 

 

 

• When you hear the words “professional rebirth” or “professional reinvention”, what do you think of?  What work could you be passionate about?
• If you are not doing work you are passionate about now, how can you begin moving toward that kind of work?
• In what ways can you reinvent yourself personally in the coming year?   Who will benefit from the changes you make?

 

And most importantly:

 

• What is one action (or two or three actions!) that you can take TODAY to move toward your professional or personal reinvention?

 

 

If you’re inspired to share about your reinvention, please feel free to leave a comment here.  If not, just take some time, maybe just 10 or 15 minutes, to answer the questions above.  I promise they will offer a compelling return on investment.

 

 

As always, I am with you on your journey.  Please keep in touch as you experience professional and personal rebirth and reinvention.

Becoming You: Taking a Personal Inventory Step 2 - Identify Your Support Network

As the end of the year approaches, it is an ideal time to take a personal inventory, which can help you unleash the best within and around you and reach a more balanced life.  The steps are as follows.

 

 

1. 1. Develop a brand for yourself.
2. 2. Identify your support network.
3. 3. Reduce stress.
4. 4. Find peace and happiness.
5. 5. Share your inventory.

 

 

We covered step one about in a previous post – develop a personal brand for yourself.  To read more about this, or for background information about taking a personal inventory, please refer to the first post in this series at http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/2009/11/becoming-you-taking-a-personal-inventory-step-1-develop-a-personal-brand-for-yourself.html.

 

 

Without further ado, here is step 2!

 

 

TAKING A PERSONAL INVENTORY – STEP 2

Identify Your Support Network

 

 

Take comfort, my friends!  As one of my favorite authors, Harold Kushner, talks about in his book Living a Life That Matters, you have best supporting actors in your life, and you are a best supporting actor in the lives of others.  Some of my favorite passages from the book are as follows.

 

 

• “Every life touches many other lives, and rare is the person who knows how much of a difference he or she has made.” (Kushner 136)
• “As Mother Teresa said, ‘Few of us can do great things, but all of us can do small things with great love.’ ” (145)

 

 

Your assignment for this step is to make two lists – one is of your supporting actors, and the other is of people that you regularly support.  Here are some supplemental questions to help you.

 

 

• Who are the best supporting actors in your network? 
• What can you do to show them how important they are to you?
• In whose lives do you play a supporting role?  What types of activities do you do in that supporting role?

 

 

And now it is time for positive action!  I encourage you to write a letter of praise and recognition to one of your best supporting actors.  You can send the letter by email or mail (by mail, on a nice thank-you note or personal stationary will most likely make more of an impact), or you can take your best supporting actor to lunch and present the letter in person.  I sent a whole slew of these letters a few years back, and my friends and colleagues were both pleasantly surprised and moved.   Think about it – when was the last time someone sent you a one-page letter or email just to praise your positive qualities and say thanks?  We don’t do this often enough.

 

 

Also, you can bridge steps 1(develop your personal brand) and 2 (identify your support network) by asking your best supporting actors and those you support to help you refine your personal brand.  After all, who knows you better than they do?  Again, more information about developing your personal brand is at http://brianfishbone.typepad.com/becoming-the-blog/2009/11/becoming-you-taking-a-personal-inventory-step-1-develop-a-personal-brand-for-yourself.html. 

 

 

I hope this second installment of Taking a Personal Inventory has been helpful.  If you’re inspired, I welcome you to post some comments here.  You can also feel free to reach out to me if you need any help. 

 

 

Here’s to taking your personal inventory – good luck with it!

Becoming You: Taking A Personal Inventory Step 1 - Develop a Personal Brand for Yourself

 

As the end of the year approaches, it is an ideal time to take a personal inventory, which can help you unleash the best within and around you and reach a more balanced life. 

 

By the way, this post is adapted from a training class I developed while working as a corporate training specialist at Delaware Investments (www.delawareinvestments.com).   I will share each of the steps for taking a personal inventory in a series of five posts.  When I reach the end of the series, I will be happy to share the original PowerPoint presentation with anyone who is interested. 

 

Ready for the first step?  I know I am!

 

TAKING A PERSONAL INVENTORY – STEP 1

Develop a Personal Brand for Yourself

 

Before you can begin moving toward unleashing your best and achieving more balance, you must understand who you are at the core.  Here are some questions you can ask yourself to develop your personal brand.

• What makes me stand out from every other person around me? 
• What unique value do I share with my family, friends, colleagues, and others?
• At the end of my life, how do I want people to remember me?  What do I want to be famous for?

 

Use the answers to these questions to come up with a personal brand statement.  Here’s my example:

My name is Brian Fishbone, and I use my passion for education, entrepreneurship, and community building to help others grow personally and professionally.   I am at my best when I am helping others do, be, and feel better.

 

 

Once you have a statement you like, put it on an index card and post it where you can look at it every day.   It should become a part of you, and then you can share the best of you when you meet new people. 

 

 

I’ll end this post with some next steps for refining and sharing your personal brand with others.

• Refine your statement.  Who can you ask for input?  Who knows you best?
• Seek opportunities to live your brand in your work and in your personal life.  What are some activities you can do that align with who you are at the core?
• Enjoy living your brand!  How can you reward yourself when you see your brand in action?

 

I hope this first installment of Taking a Personal Inventory is helpful.  If you’re inspired, I welcome you to post the statement you come up with as a comment on this site.  You can also feel free to reach out to me if you need any help.

 

Here’s to taking your personal inventory – good luck with it!

 

 

Becoming You: I Can Change

 

I can change.  These are often the three hardest words to say. 

 

• You are unhappy at work and see no way out – I can change.
• You and your partner are not communicating well– I can change.
• You are mean to a friend and regret your behavior – I can change.
• You are not being true to yourself in some way – I can change.

 

When we say these words, we often feel disconnected, isolated, alone.  On the contrary, I have good news for you.   You are not alone.  You, I, and millions of other people in this world have uttered these three words.  We all struggle with change.

 

Yet, so few of us take action after saying these words.  Why?  People, including myself, fear change.  We’re afraid to fail or experience the unknown.  Maybe we tell ourselves we don’t know how to change or are too old to change.  Or how about, “I’ll change next week/next month/next year.”  The excuses are countless.

 

Well, I am here to tell you that change is possible, and it begins with just one small step on your part.  In this blog, you have been reading stories of many people who took the first step toward changing – from Theresa who found work that restores her soul to Marissa who challenged us to do more kind acts for other people.  Theresa and Marissa are not magicians.  They changed; and so can you. 

 

Here are some questions to get you started.  I implore you to take five minutes out of your day, today, to ask yourself:

 

• What is one thing you want to change about your life?  (You can change anything, right?  How about your work life, friendships, family relationships, hobbies, volunteer work, or finances? )
• Why do you want to change?
• What is the first step you can take, today or tomorrow, to make this change in your life?
• What are the other steps you must take?  How can you take one or two steps each day?

 

Let’s remove the fear from, “I can change”, and replace it with energy and enthusiasm.  In the past year, I have reinvented my whole life.  I worked with my partner to revitalize our relationship, found work I am passionate about, wrote the first draft of my first book, and moved from the Philadelphia to Seoul, Korea.   If I can do all of this in a year, you can take one small step today, right?

 

And you don’t need to be alone on the journey any longer!  Share your reflections here on this blog, or if you want to talk more privately, feel free to email me using the link on this page. 

 

I can change, and so can you.   It all begins with you.  What’s your next step? 

Becoming You: Who Are You?

 

This week, I visited Bongwonsa Buddhist Temple on Ahn Mountain in Seoul (more information at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bongwonsa), and visiting a temple often provokes self-reflection.  You take time to breathe in the incense and let your mind drift to the sound of the light beating of the temple drum.

I think the most important question we face in our lives is, "Who am I at the core?" 

My friend Valerial Maltoni, who blogs at www.conversationagent.com, recently sent an email to her Company of Friends distribution list (http://www.fastcompany.com/Company-of-Friends) with a similar question.  She asked her readers to strip away all the things we think make us who we are - socioeconomic status, job title, hobbies, clothes, appeaance, and the list goes on and on.

I developed my own answer to this question years ago, and I stick by it:

• I am Brian Fishbone, and I am passionate about education, community building, and entrepreneurship.  I am at my best when I am helping others do, be, and feel better.

Now, I ask you the question:
Who are you at the core?

Answering this question is the first step to a clearer understanding of your purpose in life.  Feel free to post your answer in this blog's comments section, answer it on your own.  But please answer it. 

As always, I am here to help you.  Please leave a comment or email me if you ever want to talk about this, or another topic. 

I will be posting my next semiannual inspirational message about leadership and service to others in the coming week.  If you want an advance copy and would like to receive future messages before they are posted on this site, please email me.