Becoming - The Blog

Becoming You: To Feel Better, Make Someone Else Feel Better

 

 

The last time I was feeling a little depressed, I came up with a new way to instantly feel better – make someone else feel better.  I decided to help out a co-worker in need, and he was extremely grateful to me.  I felt so good that I decided a great way to continuously combat sadness and depression (notice I said combat and not cure – sadness and depression are complex!) is to perform an act of kindness for someone each and every day and hold myself accountable for it each night.

 

 

So, here’s my process for you – a simple plan I now follow each day.

 

 

1.  Decide when I wake up in the morning whom I will perform the act of kindness for, how I will do it, and why the person needs it.

 

2.  Perform the act!

 

3.  Hold myself accountable before going to sleep by asking myself if I performed at least one act of kindness for someone else. 

• If I did it, I make sure to remember how good it felt to complete the act. 
• If Idid not, I cannot go to sleep until I do.  For example, the other night I realized I had not completed the act I had planned that morning; so, I got out of bed, turned my computer back on, and sent one of my friends an email about how much I value her. 

 

 

3 easy steps, no?  Easy to commit to, right?  Why not try it?  And let us all know how it goes for you by leaving a comment here. 

Building a Better Community: Change Lives with a Small Act of Great Love

 

 

I changed lives today with a small act of great love.

 

 

Earlier today, I provided the inspirational send-off for Muhlenberg College (www.muhlenberg.edu) seniors completing a weekend of seminars about transitioning to life after university.  Many of them were feeling anxiety, and I told them they did not have to pick a career today or find a job tomorrow.  Rather, I explained that their career is not a ladder to climb, but a path that will wind, zigzag, and meander.   

 

I explained that when I sat where they were sitting back in 1998 (when I was a senior in university), I had just landed a lucrative spot in a management training program with Sprint and thought I would just work my way up the corporate ladder there.  At that time, I never would have envisioned that I would go on to fulfill my passion for education through corporate training and university training, live in Korea for a year, and most importantly, come out of the closet.  I told the students to relax.  It’s good to plan, but that they don’t need all the answers now and cannot possibly predict what they will be doing when they are my age. 

 

 

And in that moment, I changed their lives.  A wave of relief swept the room, and I could see the anxiety on many of their faces dissipate.  They felt better.  I lived my mission – to help people do, be, and feel better.  And it took just a little bit of effort on my part to show great love for Muhlenberg seniors worried about moving into the real world – just an hour of preparation and an hour of facilitation.

 

 

So, now it’s your turn.  What small act of great love have you done recently, or would you like to do soon, to change someone’s life?  Share your stories here – I can’t wait to read them in the comments section of this post!

Building a Better Community: It’s Not Networking - It’s Making New Friends!

 

 

This week’s Philadelphia ASTD (American Society for Training and Development) meeting (www.astdphl.org) reminded me of one of my timeless beliefs about networking.  To me, this word means sharing business cards or working a room (or social media site) for your own advantage.  In contrast, when I go to networking events, I view meeting new people as the art of making new friends. 

 

 

Interested in making new friends?  Here are some tips I thought about sharing with you all as I was making new friends at this week’s ASTD meeting.

 

1. Go to fewer events.  I used to feel the need to go to as many networking events as I could.  If you are looking for work in particular, you should be meeting as many new contacts as possible, right?  I disagree!  Instead, identify 1-2 events per month (okay, 1 per week if you are in job search crisis mode!) in which the participants share your interests and/or values.  For example, at the aforementioned ASTD event, I got to spend time with people who share my love of education, hear some cutting-edge content about learning myths, and make 5 new friends!

 

2. Go to help others.  So many people go to networking events to find work or clients.  Would you want your first meeting with a friend to be all about you?  Absolutely not!  So, I recommend that you ask others what they are working on, listen intently, and think about ways you can help them.  If they are kind-hearted people who share your values, don’t worry – they’ll ask then or later how they can help you.  I am reminded of a passage we read each week at the Unitarian-Universalist church, and I am paraphrasing here, “I drink from wells I did not dig, and I am committed to digging wells for those who will come after me.”

 

 

3.  Practice friendship behaviors.  During the event, focus on shared interests.  For example, if there is a speaker, ask the person seated next to you what he/she thought of the speaker’s points.  After the event, treat people as new friends.  Would you send someone you wanted to be your new friend a lifeless template email asking him/her to join your LinkedIn network?  Absolutely not!  Instead, write about how much you enjoyed meeting him/her, discussing his/her work, and sharing common interests.

 

 

I’ll conclude by dedicating this post to the new pals I met at the ASTD event – Mike, Jennifer, Jim, Paul, Robert, and Carolyn, and to the old friends I reconnected with – Brenda and Diane! 

 

 

What are your tips for making new friends at networking events?  Share them here!  I wish you all the best in networking.  No, scratch that!  I wish you all the best in making new friends!

Building a Better Community: Timeless Tips

 

 

Looking to build your network?  Need to nourish existing relationships?  I share below a sample of my timeless tips for building your support network.

 

 

• Seek to be interested, not interesting.  Dale Caregie’s advice is truly timeless.  Let people tell you their stories and find ways to help them.  Then, if it’s appropriate, share your own story.
• Serve with others.  I love to meet others when they’re at their best – doing community service, and you form a powerful bond with those who share your values.
• Make the first move.  When I meet someone for the first time and we agree to meet again for coffee or lunch, I don’t wait for an invitation.  The next time I am on email, I send him or her an invitation.
• Nourish relationships.  Don’t just reach out when you need something – look for selfless opportunities to stay connected, like sending a birthday e-card ).
• Stop thinking of it as “networking”.   It’s just about making new friends!

 

 

And invite you to add to this list with your own suggestions – post them here!   

Building a Better Community: Thanking Best Supporting Actors

 

 

For those of you who know me well, you know I always talk about best supporting actors, a concept I first learned about in Harold Kushner's book Living a Life that Matters. There are so many people in our lives who support us in so many ways, and you need to recognize and appreciate them regularly.  So, I have decided I would do that in this week's post. 

 

I dedicate this post to all of the people who support me wherever I am in life.  They love me where I am, and I love them where they are. 

 

Just a quick note before I begin my thank you's.  My list of best supporting actors to thank could go on forever.  If your name does not appear below, that does not mean that you do not support me and/or I do not support you.  I am just offering a list to provide my readers with an example of how to thank the best supporting actors in their personal and professional lives.

 

Thank you to...

 

• Jon for always raising me up and loving me unconditionally.
• Mom, Dad, Bubbie, Zadie, and Grandma for instilling in me values that have empowered me to help thousands of people worlwide do, be, and feel better.
• Marianne for being an outstanding sister.
• Ryan and Harrison for bringing light into my life.
• Brenda, Andrea, and Kevin for making me a member of their family.
• Jessica and Bridget, my oldest and dearest friends, for caring about me so deeply for the better part of two decades.
• My Muhlenberg friends (really, I should say family!) and their partners for standing by me through thick and thin for nearly 17 years.
• Andrew and Dinah for providing a quiet, impactful friendship for nearly 10 years.
• Stephen and Louis for helping me not take myself so seriously.
• Faith for always providing me with faith in myself, others, and the world around me.
• Becky for providing me with a role model in how to face life's challenges.
• Lud and Joan for being like second parents to Samir and me.
• Aldo and Yrma for treating Jon and me like family.
• Past and present employees of Delaware Investments, my Temple University students, and my Pagoda Academy students in Seoul for providing me the opportunity to unleash my passion for education and community building.

Again, my list could go on for pages.  I am just scratching the surface here.

Isn't time you made your own list and shared your thanks with your best supporting actors?  Do it today!

Building a Better Community: Start Now

 

 

Let me apologize to my dear readers – I have neglected the “Building a Better Community” category of posts.  Well, I’d like to right that wrong starting now!

 

I have been thinking a lot about community lately because I just completed a successful full-time job search, and my support network was instrumental in helping me find work I am passionate about in an organization that shares my values.  Therefore, as a karmic, pay-it-forward thank-you, from time to time, I will post in this category tips, insights, and questions designed to help you build better support networks and communities.  So, let’s start now!

 

 

When fresh college graduates ask me for advice about succeeding in the “real world”, I consistently offer this simple mantra to live by, “Build and nourish your network each day.”  Feel like you don’t have a strong support network?  Or do you feel that you have not invested enough in your community?  Never fear!  This week’s post is designed to help you start now!

 

 

Here are some quick tips to help you start (or continue) building and nourishing your support network, or what you can lovingly refer to as your community, today!

 

 

• Join (and/or build) a group.  Whether you love Facebook, LinkedIn, or other social media, join a special interest group today.  Hopefully, you’ll find like-minded people that you can share ideas with and support.  And if you can’t find a group you like – build your own!  That’s what some colleagues and I did with Korea Link, which is now one of the largest Korea-focused networks on LinkedIn (you can check it out at http://www.linkedin.com/groups?mostPopular=&gid=1046967). 

 

• Go to a networking event.  For years, my good friend Valeria Maltoni (check out her blog, Conversation Agent, at www.conversationagent.com) and I planned monthly networking events for Philadelphia Company of Friends, a Fast Company magazine reader’s circle, and during that time, I witnessed firsthand the power of in-person networking.  I fell in love with connecting to share ideas, exchange opportunities, and grow personally and professionally.  For my friends in the US, I love the Network After Work events – they are a great place to meet new  professionals at a low price point – check them out at www.networkafterwork.com.

 

• Share some love with your community.  Show your appreciation to someone who has helped you or others in your network.  You can send a simple thank-you email or a small gift like a book you think he or she might like.  I just did this with my Korea Link co-administrators, and they appreciated it greatly.  It takes only a few minutes to be the light in someone else’s life!

 

• Meet someone new (i.e. add someone to your community) today.  Don’t know where to meet someone new?   Your community has many segments.  How about introducing yourself to a neighbor, someone in your religious or spiritual group, an alumnus/a of your university, a political or civic leader in your city or town, a co-worker, a colleague at another company or organization, a fellow parent, and the list could go on and on!

 

 

 

Build and nourish your community each and every day, and I promise it will lead to a richer life for you and your community members.  And remember – you can start, or continue, right now! 

 

 

Do you have additional insights or tips for building community?  If so, share them in the Comments section of this post.  We’d love to hear them!

Building a Better Community: Team Building Assessment

 

 

I was going through some old files trying to find some useful content for this week’s post, and I stumbled across a team building assessment some colleagues and I developed while I worked at Delaware Investments.  I think many of you will find it useful. 

 

 

The team building assessment offers questions team leaders and members can ask to improve their teams.  The questions fall in the nine team assessment areas: goals, strategic planning, expectations, decision making, organization, morale, relations with other units, strengths and improvement opportunities, and current challenges. 

 

 

Both the team leader and team members should offer answers to the questions below.  To complete this assessment, plan a team building meeting with all team members.  Provide the questions in advance, and you can ask team members to provide answers in advance or during          the meeting.  If your team faces resource demands that do not permit a team meeting, you can complete this assessment with team members by email or discussion board.  After the meeting, compile minutes of the meeting, distribute them to all team members, and schedule another meeting (or ask by email) for team members to devise action  plans based on improvement opportunities identified during the meeting.

 

 

The questions are categorized below.

 

 

Goals

 

• What should be the goals for this team building session?
• What should be the overall goals for the team?
• What are your personal goals?  Are they directly related to team goals, or is there a conflict between them?

 

 

Strategic Planning

 

• What will our success look and feel like?
• Where do we want to be in six months?  One year?
• What activities will support our goals?
• How can we deal with uncertainty and manage change?

 

 

Expectations

 

• What do we expect of others on the team?  Of our team leader?  Of senior management?
• What are the team leader’s expectations of team members?
• What do contacts outside of the team expect of us?
• How can we exceed each constituent’s expectations?

 

 

Decision Making

 

• Who makes what decisions?
• How should decisions be made?

 

 

Organization

 

• Are we organized appropriately?
• What role(s) does each team member play?
• Does each person’s role capitalize on his or her strengths?  If not, how can we support one another or reassign roles?

 

 

Morale

 

• What is the current level of morale on our team?
• What factors influence morale level?
• If necessary, what actions can we take to improve morale and remain productive?

 

 

Relations with Other Units

 

• How well are we working with other departments?
• How do other departments perceive us?
• How well do we interact with sister or parent companies?

 

 

Strengths and Improvement Opportunities

 

• What does each of us do well?  What can we improve?
• What are our team’s strengths?  Developmental opportunities?
• What actions will help us to leverage our strengths?
• What actions will help us to pursue improvement opportunities?

 

 

Current Challenges

 

• What challenges does the team face?  How can we overcome them?
• Are there any other concerns that this assessment has not addressed?  If so, what are the, and how can we address them?

 

 

Please feel free to post your own questions, as well as your feedback about this assessment.  I wish you all the best in building teams and communities!

Building a Better Community: Starting Your Own LinkedIn Networking Group

Community building begins with you, and so does leadership.  Frustrated with local networking events?  Can’t meet quality professionals that you want to do more with than just exchange business cards?  I’d like to share my recipe for success – starting your own networking group via LinkedIn (www.linkedin.com). 

 

However, before I begin sharing some best practices from the group I created for Korean and expat professionals working in Korea, I want to offer a stern warning.  You SHOULD NOT create a LinkedIn group just to find a job; this is selfish behavior that I promise will not be rewarded.  People will see right through you.

 

Instead, you should create a LinkedIn networking group to help others and build a community.  Your goal should be to help others connect, and I promise you’ll meet some excellent contacts in the process (if and only if your focus remains on helping others).  For example, I began my networking group with the intention of bridging the gaps between Korean and expat professional communities in Korea.  We started with just 8 members, and within one year, we grew to 350 members! 

 

And now I will share the secrets of my success so that you can build your own community!

 

STARTING YOUR GROUP

 

• Select an area of professional or personal interest for your group.   You will be more likely to invest your time and energy in building community if you pick something that gives you professional or personal passion.  I love connecting people from different countries and cultures; so, I chose to create a cross-cultural networking group. 

 

• Develop a name and description of your group.  Give your group a name, and then write a short paragraph that describes the group’s mission, vision, goals, and/or values.  Here is the description I posted for my group, “This group is for expat and Korean professionals who are working in Korea. All professions are welcome, from teachers and government workers to businesspeople and artists. We hope to network, learn, and grow together!”

 

• Create your group on LinkedIn.  This is probably the easiest part of the process – all you need is a logo, your group description, and contact information.   The process begins at http://www.linkedin.com/createGroup?displayCreate=&trk=anet_creategrp. 

 

BEST PRACTICES

• Provide orientation for new group members.  Yes, the corporate trainer in me lives!   As new members find and join your group, send welcome messages to new members (in my welcome message, I share professional information about myself and ask how members found the group), welcome new members in the Discussion area (you can have one discussion thread that is just for listing new members), and orient new members to your site.  Encourage them to post discussions and offer to introduce them virtually to other members.   I have joined too many LinkedIn Groups in which I just got the template message from LinkedIn about joining a new group.  What a turn-off!  Also, if you choose to approve new members to join your group (as opposed to allowing them to self-enroll), make sure that you approve new members each day – don’t make them wait more than a few days to join your group, or they’ll lose interest.

 

• Post regularly and encourage others to post regularly.   Community building is about member engagement!  Once members join your group, they will expect some kind of stimuli within the first week; if they don’t get it, they will quickly stop visiting your group site.  Ask members to regularly post questions, requests for feedback, or job listings, and begin some more creative discussions every so often.  For example, when I noticed group members had not been posting for a while, I asked them to share their favorite Korea stories about unique people they had met and unique places they had visited.  The key is to keep members talking with each other!

 

• Send regular email updates about the group.  Your group site allows you to send email to all group members once per week.  I think this is too often; so, I send a monthly or bimonthly update about the group, which usually includes the total number of members in the group, instructions for using site features, and recent discussion topics.  Community members like to know that their community is continually delivering value.

 

• Take it to the next level – plan a live event.  If possible, escape the virtual world!  If a small or large number of your members lives in one concentrated area, try to plan a live networking event for them to meet in person.  The event does not need to be fancy or complicated – something as simple as an informal networking lunch will suffice.  Community members like the ease of meeting online, but eventually they want to meet in person.   Think of yourself as a community building catalyst, both online and offline! You can read about one event I planned for my group at http://www.linkedin.com/groupAnswers?viewQuestionAndAnswers=&gid=1046967&discussionID=9666750&goback=%2Eanh_1046967. 

 

I hope all of this information is helpful.  If just one of you builds a new community, I will be satisfied!  If you need any more information, please feel free to post comments and questions here, or you can connect with me via LinkedIn (www.linkedin.com/in/brianfishbone) or email.   

 

I wish you all the best in building your own community!  Have you invested in your community today?

Building a Better Community: Marissa Gilbert's 30-Day Do Good Challenge

 

This week, we talk with Marissa Gilbert, who experimented with changing the world by energizing people to complete one kind act after another.

 

Marissa is a self-proclaimed student of human behavior, who has an astonishingly large appetite for life.   She is a Senior Manager in Accenture’s Talent and Organization Performance group (www.accenture.com), where she enables large corporations to achieve high performance in various aspects of their organization.  She is also an accredited leadership coach and engages in one-on-one coaching with senior leaders in America’s top companies.  Marissa has a strong passion for developing others and pushing them outside their comfort zones, which she artfully makes possible through spot-on questioning and pure determination.

 

Brian: You recently facilitated a month-long online challenge designed to get people to help others and build community.  Can you tell us about it? 

 

Marissa:  I did! It was an amazing experience.  For 30 days this summer, a friend (Remy Kurland) and I facilitated a virtual activity which we called The 30-Day Challenge.  Every day for 30 days we posted a new act of kindness for people to do, and the goal was for them to perform the activity and then post comments about their experience on the blog.  The web address is: www.the30day.com  if you want to check it out!

 

Brian:  What inspired you to facilitate this type of challenge?  

 

Marissa:  One night in early May, I was watching TV and thinking about how doom and gloom things had become due to the economic challenges the world was facing.  Everywhere I went people seemed to be in a slump, and I didn’t blame them - it was impossible to escape the doomsday headlines and stories of hardworking folks who had lost their jobs. The curiosity in me got my brain churning and I thought, “If every human being did one nice small gesture throughout their day, even just holding a door for someone, what would the impact be on society?”  I was intent to find out.  I brainstormed ideas with every friend and co-worker that would listen on how to turn this experiment into a reality.  One of my wonderfully talented friends who owns a design studio (http://www.coreyweberpontz.com/) offered to create an eye-catching website for my experiment, and the rest is history!

 

Brian:  How did the participants react to the challenge?  What surprised you? 

 

Marissa:  It was truly inspiring. My original goal was to have 30 people do 30 acts of kindness in 30 days.  While I can’t recall exact numbers, we had literally hundreds of hits to the blog within the first week alone!  Posts were flying on Facebook, Twitter and all over the web about our challenge.  I remember Remy (my partner in crime for the experiment) calling me up and saying, “Wow- what now?!”  We were not expecting so many followers; so, we really felt the need to increase the focus we put on the blog each day.  It was a good thing we did because after about a month, a local paper heard about it and put us on the front page of the newspaper.  That got hundreds more followers within one day, and a few days later, we noticed we were featured on Yahoo!.

 

 

Brian:  What was your most important learning moment during the challenge?  After the challenge?

 

Marissa: During the challenge, it was definitely those first few days when I realized the power of social media.  In my case it had worked to my advantage that the 30-Day Challenge link was being spread across the world and was being well received, but I was also able to see how easily information people don’t want spread gets spread.  After the challenge, I found myself still thinking of what good I could do for someone each day.  I realized the more we can make ‘games’ out of things and do them for extended periods of time (in my case, the game was performing each challenge activity for 30 days), the more the behavior sticks.  Again, it was a good lesson in human behavior.

 

Brian:  Is there a next step?  If so, how do you plan to make it happen? 

 

Marissa:  Great question! I have pondered various ideas for keeping the challenge going, but have it on the back burner as I pursue other dreams at the moment.  If any inspired reader of your blog has a great idea about how to keep the site running while keeping it low-maintenance, I am all ears!

 

So, Marissa has a challenge for you!  If you have ideas for keeping her challenge alive, please post them here.   She looks forward to hearing your ideas!